Unfortunately, you can’t find a mentor on Amazon or Google. That would be too easy and mentoring is not easy. I have had good experiences with mentoring and less fulfilling experiences with mentoring. My best experiences with mentoring have come from people I already knew well, but were a few life-stage steps ahead of me. These were rich times where I could ask tough questions and they could give me real answers. Trust had already been established.

So, my first recommendation for finding a mentor, that I have not seen anywhere else, is this: Find someone you know and trust.

I have found that anytime I have signed up for or inquired about acquiring a mentor through a formal process, there seems to be a rule that there should be at least a 40 year gap in the ages of the two people thrown together. There is often an underlying assumption that you cannot mentor someone unless they are much younger. I do not think this is necessarily true. Don’t get me wrong, I love older generations of people and believe there is much wisdom to be gleaned from intergenerational friendships, however, just because someone is older it doesn’t make them a good mentor and just because someone is younger, it doesn’t make them a bad mentor.

This brings me to my second recommendation: Look for maturity, not just chronological age.

There also seems to be a common idea that a mentor is someone who tells me everything I need to know to get to the next step along the way; a human faucet pouring information into you the sponge. This is a misconception. There is plenty of time for the conveyance of knowledge in a mentoring relationship, but if that is all it is, it is just a consultation. Mentoring is relationship, and relationships are two-sided. You can learn and grow just as much as a Mentor as the one who is being mentored.

So, remember this: Mentoring is a two way street.

“Anyone who receives instruction in the word must share all good things with his instructor.” Galatians 6:6

Sometimes, what we really need is not a formal mentoring or discipleship program, but rather simple genuine friendship where we allow each other to ask hard questions and sometimes not know the answers. Sometimes, I just need someone to walk with me up the hard steep hill of life. How about you?

“Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend.”  Albert Camus

 Photo Credit:  BettinaSchwarz

“One generation shall praise Thy works to another, and shall declare Thy mighty acts. On the glorious splendor of Thy majesty, and on Thy wonderful works, I will meditate. And men shall speak of the power of Thine awesome acts; And I will tell of Thy greatness. They shall eagerly utter the memory of Thine abundant goodness, and shall shout joyfully of Thy righteousness. “ Psalm 145: 4-7

I love a good story.

Yet, more than just a good story, I love to hear about the intervention of a Holy God in the ordinary lives of men. So many times we put God in the clouds. We make him a lofty being that controls things like the universe, the weather, and the large events of life. However, we fail to realize that…

…God is in our everyday details.

God does not hear about our daily happenings secondhand. He sustains our very breath and goes before us. Life can be exhilarating and disappointing. As a child, I gave my heart to the Lord. As an adult, the many aspects of His character have jumped off the pages of scripture and become personal to me.

He became my Healer, when He healed me of Congestive Heart Failure and a difficult pregnancy.

He became my Deliverer when He set me free from a lifetime of irrational fear.

He was my Friend, when no one else understood the chronic health issues I faced each day.

He is my Counselor, my Redeemer, my Strength, and He is all of these things each and every day.

I hope that in this very moment you will understand, without a shadow of a doubt, that God wants a relationship with you.

He wants to sit with you in the morning over a cup of coffee, as well as fight for you in the darkness. May 2012 be the year that you see God as your everyday God…

…your friend day in and day out.

So many times we think we are doing our best, trying to make everyone happy…

…people pleasing

BUT we end up exhausted, frustrated, spinning our wheels, angry, resentful — hurt.

Read this short illustration taken from the book Morning Light by Amy E. Dean…

The Man, the Boy, and the Donkey

A man and his son headed to market with their donkey. A man on a horse passed them and asked, “Why aren’t you riding your donkey?”

The man placed his son on the donkey, and they continued on their way. They passed by a family working in their fields. A young girl said. “Look at that lazy boy riding while his father is walking.”

The man told his son to get off the donkey, and he climbed on. They passed a group of women and one said, “What a selfish man, making his son walk while he rides.”

The man asked his son to climb up on the donkey with him. They passed a traveler on the road, who said, “That poor donkey is carrying too much weight.”

Not knowing what to do, the man and his son began to carry the donkey. But the donkey kicked so violently they released their hold and the donkey ran away.

The Moral of the story: In striving to please everyone, you end up pleasing no one.

Striving to be a people-pleaser can make you feel as if what you are doing is never right, and you lose your ability to make your own decision.

Can you choose today to focus on doing what is right for you, regardless of what others may think or say?

Can you focus on pleasing your audience of ONE instead of an audience of many?

Photo Credit: Boris SV

Story taken from: December 3, 2011 – Today’s Gift from Hazelden

Do you ever feel distant from God?  

When you pray, do you feel that your prayers are hitting the ceiling?

Do you ever question…are my prayers really being heard?

Prayer is…

1. one of the greatest privileges we have.  We posses the ability to access the throne of grace with confidence whenever we have a need or want to offer up praise – what an incredible blessing!
2. the means through which we are changed in our own lives, and it is the means through which we see change in the lives of others.

Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. - Hebrews 4.16

What I’ve realized is that in order for me to be productive in prayer, I need direction and focus when I sit down to pray.  One of the most effective modes of prayer I’ve found, that I would like to share with you, is praying God’s Word.

Here’s how it works, we simply, “Take a passage of Scripture, and start reading it slowly. After each sentence, pause and go back and turn what you read into prayer.” – John Piper, When I Don’t Desire God: How to Fight for Joy

When we pray Scripture, in the proper context, we can be confident that our prayers are in alignment with God’s will. Praying Scripture “…also has the effect of shaping our minds and hearts, so that we desire what the Word encourages us to desire, and not just what we desire by nature.” – John Piper, When I Don’t Desire God: How to Fight for Joy

When I pray God’s Word, not only do I know that I am praying according to His will,

but I am engraving His truths on my heart.

When I want to pray for someone or for a specific situation, I start with God’s Word. I look for Scriptures that are relevant to the situation, and I begin to pray God’s Word.

“Scripture provides the stimulation and guidance we need to sustain a meaningful prayer life.” – Bill Thrasher, A Journey to Victorious Praying

Sometimes, though, I don’t know which Scriptures I ought to be praying.

Sometimes my knowledge of the Word isn’t enough to bring to mind the Word of Truth for that particular moment.

When I am “stuck,” I turn to Scripture-based prayer resources:

• The Power of a Praying Wife
• Warrior Prayers
• 31DaystoPray.com
• ReviveOurHearts.com

Resources such as these help me to find a Scripture that relates to the situation, providing a template of prayer that I can start from as I seek to petition the Lord.

If you answered YES to any of the questions I asked at the beginning, try praying the scriptures.  It is my prayer that God will use my experiences to bless the lives of others as they seek to learn to pray the Scriptures.

Photo courtesy of DrGBB

I LOVE watching good movies that share heartfelt stories.  I LOVE reading good books, both fiction and non-fiction, that tell stories.  I enjoy telling stories to my kids and hearing stories about people in my life.  There is nothing better to me than getting to know and understand people better through their stories.

A special friend of mine has an amazing gift of sharing her life and relating to others through analogy stories.  I always look forward to talking with her and listening as she shares her insight and wisdom through great stories.

As we embark upon our 1 year anniversary of our keepingitpersonal.com blog and our Daily KIPs, I’ve been reflecting.  These words, Stories are Gifts – Share, speak to me.  Over the past 12 months, I’ve had the privilege to hear AND read a lot of personal stories.  Many of these have encouraged me.  Many have brought me to tears.  Many have changed me.  Many have inspired me.

It brings me joy to share MY story with the hope to encourage or inspire others…….or simply plant a seed in someone’s life.  Stories ARE a gift and I am grateful that I’ve been on the receiving end while others were willing to share.  Priceless!

Just like most things that make their way into our lives, if we acknowledge them, call them out, identify what they are we have a better chance of dealing with them and managing the situation. When we’ve got our blinders on or if we are unwilling to take an honest look at ourselves, a few things could happen.  We can slowly lose joy, get stuck in ruts, and start to place blame where it does NOT belong.

Let me introduce to you Towanda.  Towanda has been with me since I was born.  We grew up together, experienced life together, faced challenges together, and even lived together.  The funny things is………I didn’t really KNOW her until recently.  Once I got to know her?  Well, I decided I did NOT like her AT ALL!!   She is negative, controlling, manipulative, insecure, resentful, selfish, insensitive, judgmental, and angry.  LOVELY, wouldn’t you say?!?!?  NOT!!  Here’s the kicker about Towanda; Towanda is ME.

YES, Towanda is the name I have given all my MY “character defects”.  Before I continue, I have to say this.  If your name is Towanda and you’re reading this, PLEASE do NOT take offense.  I grabbed the name from a scene that I remembered from the movie Fried Green Tomatoes.  Actress Kathy Bates plays the character Evelyn Couch and gives her alter-ego this name.  You can watch the Towanda clip if you’d like, it’s pretty funny!  With that said, If you’d like to name your character defects “Teri” go right ahead, I won’t take offense.  LOL

I was FINALLY able to see Towanda when God revealed her to me in February 2010.  It was a love/hate experience.  I thought that I had already surrendered MY will or should I say Towanda’s, BUT I had not.  I was still in the drivers seat, trying to maintain the wheel.  It took me 36 years to get to this point of being able to identify Towanda.  I’m confident that many people in my world had met her before I was able to, but I’m grateful that I FINALLY did……even though it was a painful realization.

Our first meeting was tough, I cried when I met her.  I couldn’t believe I had let her live with me for that long with out doing something about it.  It has been a slow process grasping ALL of her character defects, but God continues to reveal to me more of Towanda as I grow in my faith and my walk with Him.

If you’re perfect.  Not needing to change anything in your life, you can stop reading hear.  BUT, if you’ve got some areas in your life that need improvement, or have identified some character defects, like me, you will want to read Part two of this post on Thursday.  There I will walk you though the steps that I took to giving ‘it’ a name and explain what to do when your new found unwanted friend is triggered and wakes up!

You can read Part two by following this link.

I was inspired by one man’s story as I watched Extreme Makeover Home Edition last night.  Did you see it?  The Terpenning Family was featured.  Not sure of all the little details, but big brush stroke…….the father was born with Polio in the early 70‘s in Vietnam during the war (half American/half Vietnamese).   He was adopted by an American family and has been in a wheelchair his whole life.  He’s married and a father of 4.  He’s a wheelchair sports champion and mentor to disabled Iraq War veterans……..an AMAZING soul this many has!

Anyway, it got me thinking about the limits we put on ourselves, our dreams, our passions, and ALSO the limits we allow others to put on us when it comes to living our passion or working towards fulfilling our dreams.

This man could’ve become a victim, blamed others, believed what others in the world had told him ~ that he wouldn’t ever accomplish much because he was never going to be able to get out of his wheel chair, clearly he was limited.  But there was NO LIMIT to what he could accomplish – he’s a fighter, he had a vision to earn a gold metal in swimming and he did it!  HE set his bar high and didn’t let anyone get in his way or lower it.  He’s a mentor, he shares his story and his experiences to help others, he’s an AMAZING father who’s sending the message to his kids to literally “be all you can be”  – in his mind, there is NO LIMIT to what you can accomplish in this life.  I love it!!

I know that limitations need to be set in many areas of our lives.  In our relationships, setting boundaries or limits for ourselves and others to maintain healthy relationships is huge.  A couple of other quick examples are…… 1) Cell phone usage – going over the limit can be VERY costly, I’ve learned that one the hard way, OUCH!!  2) Watching TV and/or playing video games can at times be an issue IF limits are not set for kids AND adults.  3) Alcohol/Caffeine intake  4) Spending money.  I could list many more areas where setting limits and boundaries are extremely important but I want to write about……….NO LIMITS!!

I often set limits in my mind when I dream about what I want to accomplish or be who I want to be.  I’ve been faced with people who I call “dream shooters” and have learned that I need to take what they say with a grain of salt, consider it, but don’t let it hold me back.  Are you surrounded by dream shooters?  Unfortunately, they often are our closest family members and best friends.

There’s an amazing song by Kutless titled What Faith Can Do.  I listen to it often…..if you haven’t heard, it check it out here on youtube.com – I love the lyrics, here are a few I want to share when it comes to NO LIMITS………

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
.  Hope that doesn’t ever end even when the sky is falling.  
And I’ve seen miracles just happen.  Silent prayers get answered.  
Broken hearts become brand new
, that’s what faith can do

.  It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard, impossible is not a word, it’s just a reason for someone not to try
.  Everybody’s scared to death
; when they decide to take that step
 out on the water, 
It’ll be alright.  
Life is so much more
 than what your eyes are seeing
, you will find your way if you keep believing……..

What are your dreams?  How CAN and WILL you make a difference if you were to raise the bar high and know that there is NO LIMIT to what you can do?  What can you do today, and the next day, and the following days after that to bring you steps closer to your goals and dreams?

Faith = NO LIMITS