After talking this over with several friends, I realized that I’m not alone on this topic, SO I thought I would share a fun way……OK maybe it’s not FUN, BUT it is a ‘not so serious’ way to deal with our negative self talk, selfishness, poisonous pride, deceiving thoughts, resentments, and our larger than LARGE ego that needs to be tamed and managed.
Just like most things that make their way into our lives, if we acknowledge them, call them out, identify what they are we have a better chance of dealing with them and managing the situation. When we’ve got our blinders on or if we are unwilling to take an honest look at ourselves, a few things could happen. We can slowly lose joy, get stuck in ruts, and start to place blame where it does NOT belong.
Let me introduce to you Towanda. Towanda has been with me since I was born. We grew up together, experienced life together, faced challenges together, and even lived together. The funny things is………I didn’t really KNOW her until recently. Once I got to know her? Well, I decided I did NOT like her AT ALL!! She is negative, controlling, manipulative, insecure, resentful, selfish, insensitive, judgmental, and angry. LOVELY, wouldn’t you say?!?!? NOT!! Here’s the kicker about Towanda; Towanda is ME.
YES, Towanda is the name I have given all my MY “character defects”. Before I continue, I have to say this. If your name is Towanda and you’re reading this, PLEASE do NOT take offense. I grabbed the name from a scene that I remembered from the movie Fried Green Tomatoes. Actress Kathy Bates plays the character Evelyn Couch and gives her alter-ego this name. You can watch the Towanda clip if you’d like, it’s pretty funny! With that said, If you’d like to name your character defects “Teri” go right ahead, I won’t take offense. LOL
I was FINALLY able to see Towanda when God revealed her to me in February 2010. It was a love/hate experience. I thought that I had already surrendered MY will or should I say Towanda’s, BUT I had not. I was still in the drivers seat, trying to maintain the wheel. It took me 36 years to get to this point of being able to identify Towanda. I’m confident that many people in my world had met her before I was able to, but I’m grateful that I FINALLY did……even though it was a painful realization.
Our first meeting was tough, I cried when I met her. I couldn’t believe I had let her live with me for that long with out doing something about it. It has been a slow process grasping ALL of her character defects, but God continues to reveal to me more of Towanda as I grow in my faith and my walk with Him.
If you’re perfect. Not needing to change anything in your life, you can stop reading hear. BUT, if you’ve got some areas in your life that need improvement, or have identified some character defects, like me, you will want to read Part two of this post on Thursday. There I will walk you though the steps that I took to giving ‘it’ a name and explain what to do when your new found unwanted friend is triggered and wakes up!
Daily KIP: Don’t take anything personally – Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering. ~Agreement 2 don miguel ruiz
I was inspired by one man’s story as I watched Extreme Makeover Home Edition last night. Did you see it? The Terpenning Family was featured. Not sure of all the little details, but big brush stroke…….the father was born with Polio in the early 70‘s in Vietnam during the war (half American/half Vietnamese). He was adopted by an American family and has been in a wheelchair his whole life. He’s married and a father of 4. He’s a wheelchair sports champion and mentor to disabled Iraq War veterans……..an AMAZING soul this many has!
Anyway, it got me thinking about the limits we put on ourselves, our dreams, our passions, and ALSO the limits we allow others to put on us when it comes to living our passion or working towards fulfilling our dreams.
This man could’ve become a victim, blamed others, believed what others in the world had told him ~ that he wouldn’t ever accomplish much because he was never going to be able to get out of his wheel chair, clearly he was limited. But there was NO LIMIT to what he could accomplish – he’s a fighter, he had a vision to earn a gold metal in swimming and he did it! HE set his bar high and didn’t let anyone get in his way or lower it. He’s a mentor, he shares his story and his experiences to help others, he’s an AMAZING father who’s sending the message to his kids to literally “be all you can be” – in his mind, there is NO LIMIT to what you can accomplish in this life. I love it!!
I know that limitations need to be set in many areas of our lives. In our relationships, setting boundaries or limits for ourselves and others to maintain healthy relationships is huge. A couple of other quick examples are…… 1) Cell phone usage – going over the limit can be VERY costly, I’ve learned that one the hard way, OUCH!! 2) Watching TV and/or playing video games can at times be an issue IF limits are not set for kids AND adults. 3) Alcohol/Caffeine intake 4) Spending money. I could list many more areas where setting limits and boundaries are extremely important but I want to write about……….NO LIMITS!!
I often set limits in my mind when I dream about what I want to accomplish or be who I want to be. I’ve been faced with people who I call “dream shooters” and have learned that I need to take what they say with a grain of salt, consider it, but don’t let it hold me back. Are you surrounded by dream shooters? Unfortunately, they often are our closest family members and best friends.
There’s an amazing song by Kutless titled What Faith Can Do. I listen to it often…..if you haven’t heard, it check it out here on youtube.com – I love the lyrics, here are a few I want to share when it comes to NO LIMITS………
I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains . Hope that doesn’t ever end even when the sky is falling. And I’ve seen miracles just happen. Silent prayers get answered. Broken hearts become brand new , that’s what faith can do . It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard, impossible is not a word, it’s just a reason for someone not to try . Everybody’s scared to death ; when they decide to take that step out on the water, It’ll be alright. Life is so much more than what your eyes are seeing , you will find your way if you keep believing……..
What are your dreams? How CAN and WILL you make a difference if you were to raise the bar high and know that there is NO LIMIT to what you can do? What can you do today, and the next day, and the following days after that to bring you steps closer to your goals and dreams?
Daily KIP: Who is painting your “life canvas”? Do you allow others to dictate how you feel, take things personally, and make assumptions? It’s so easy to allow this to happen…….BE CONFIDENT in who you are and what you know to be true.
(for privacy purposes, I’m using fictitious names – thanks for understanding)
On Sunday my friend, Kelly was in her husband’s office at the church that he pastors. She stopped in briefly to talk with him and the phone rang. Understand, it was Sunday morning, offices were closed and she typically doesn’t answer the phone at the church office, but she did. There was a female voice on the other end asking if there was any way she could get picked up to attend their church service that morning. Kelly asked a few questions, what’s your name? where are you? The caller answered, “My name is Heather, I’m at a woman’s shelter a few miles away, I just got out of the hospital last night, I’m here because of a domestic abuse situation and I’d really like to attend your church. If it’s not too much to ask I really would like a ride.” Kelly talked with her a little longer and got off the phone. Heather told her that she would be waiting on the corner outside for her to pick her up.
This was an odd phone call. When Kelly answered the phone she assumed that someone was calling who needed to know the times of the services or maybe someone needed directions – who would’ve thought there would be a call this early in the morning from a random person with such a need? AND What were the chances that Kelly just happened to be in the church office to pick up the phone? THIS was a GOD thing! How cool was that!
Ok, so Kelly made a phone call to the woman’s shelter to ensure that the call was legit, did some due diligence and off she went to pick up Heather; she took along a guy from the church to ride in the car with her for safety reasons.
During the drive to church Kelly and Heather got to know each other. Heather shared with her the situation she was in and how she had broken ribs, a dislocated shoulder and had been beaten by her boyfriend. She explained that she almost died and could not go back to the home where she was living and that she needed to get far away from there so her boyfriend would not find her. She had NOTHING just the clothes on her back and a small suitcase. She was in a lot of pain. Defeated. No money. No strength.
With the help of Kelly’s church they were able to help Heather purchase a bus ticket to make the journey to another women’s shelter that would get her closer to her family. She was very grateful for the help.
One question that Kelly asked Heather was, “What prompted you to call our church? Did you find us in the yellow pages? or what?” Heather responded, “While I was in the hospital last night, the nurse that cared for me suggested that I call your church, she gave me your phone number and said that your church would be compassionate and loving. So I called. That’s how I found you.”
As Kelly and Heather’s encounter was coming to an end, Heather was dropped off at the shelter to get a taxi to take her to the bus station. Kelly asked her one last question. She said, “Heather, do you have a relationship with God? What keeps you going.” To Kelly’s surprise she responded, “My father is a baptist minister. Several years ago he told me that I could NOT be a part of HIS family UNLESS I got my tattoo removed, I stopped smoking, and I stopped living my life the way I had been living it. He has put conditions upon me to be accepted. I’ve done so many terrible things that God could NEVER forgive me. I am unlovable – God would not want me.”
Through both of their tears Kelly shared with Heather that she IS worthy of God’s unconditional love no matter what she had done in the past and that what she was believing were lies. God loves you – JUST AS YOU ARE – He created you, chose YOU! Kelly was able to give her some materials to read to help her understand God’s love and forgiveness and then Heather was gone.
I was touched by this story and I have to tell you why; this is SO Keeping it Personal – I LOVE IT!! You see it’s the little things that we do that make the most impact AND it’s those very simple things that we do or say that we may NEVER know the impact it has on another life.
The nurse who referred Heather to Kelly’s church DID NOT let the lingering thought pass through her mind – she took ACTION! She shared with Heather, she encouraged her, THAT IS Keeping it Personal.
Kelly, picked up the phone, LISTENED, asked questions, gathered information, DID NOT pass judgement and that impacted Heather’s life.
The nurse AND Kelly may never know how what they did or what they said impacted Heather’s life, but they took action and it is so GREAT!! Priceless.
I am inspired by this story. I was grateful that Kelly shared it with me. I hope that it inspires you to take action on those little thoughts no matter what the outcome might be.
On Sunday I got to the airport to catch an evening flight to Ft. Myers, FL. To my surprise when I checked in, thanks to upgrades, I was seated in 1st Class! I LOVE it when that happens. So here were my thoughts……it’s been a LONG week, I haven’t been feeling well AT ALL and I can’t wait to board the airplane, get a pillow and a blanket and sleep for about 3 hours – YES, I need sleep!!
Little did I know that God had other plans for me. As I got settled into my seat I casually started talking to the guy sitting next to me. Small talk, “How’s it going?”, “So thankful for the upgrade.”, “Are you from Florida, or just visiting?” Our small talked turned into a 3 hour conversation and NO sleep, but it was worth it!
After about 45 minutes of talking I finally learned that the guy I was talking to had a name, it was Tom. We shook hands after we formally introduced ourselves to each other and continued talking. As we talked I learned that Tom was in the financial services industry. He was heading to Florida looking to potentially purchase another company to grow his company.
I also learned that he was in the process of writing a book. Boy did I have LOTS of questions about his book project. I too have a dream of writing a book someday. His message as he described it to me that he’s writing about in his book was similar to my vision with Keeping it Personal, except with a business angel, how cool is that!! I was so intrigued by what he was saying and the wisdom that he had with his many years of experience, I can’t WAIT to pick up his book when he’s finished.
Another topic that we covered during the flight was simplifying and living a life of balance; both seem to be so difficult to accomplish at times with everything going on in this world. One thing that I learned from him and REALLY liked and will incorporate into my life is this. He said that many times each day he asks himself this……
ADD — KEEP — GET RID OF
Ok, so how does that work?, I asked. First he explained, you have to determine what’s important to you and what is it that you need and desire to KEEP. THEN as life happens and we are faced to ADD things into our world, whether it’s a material possession or something that will take a time commitment or something in business to expand or grow – how will that effect your KEEP? As we determine how our KEEP is effected, what, if anything do we need to GET RID OF in order to ADD?
I know it’s a little complicated so let me give you an example on how I relate this to my life. My husband and I have made a decision that 2010 is our year to simplify – we aren’t going to TRY to do this we ARE doing this and ARE making changes as we do our year end planning and 2010 planning.
As we make our KEEP list we’ve determined that there are many things that we currently have that we are going to sell or eliminate in our lives in order to have more time and resources…….so our list of GET RID OF is growing and we will work towards that goal in the coming months. The ADD hits us daily. We are constantly being approached by others to invest in new “ventures” which take resources that we want to KEEP, so we will have to pay very close attention to this and be sure to go through this exercise – sometimes we can get caught up with a “great opportunity” act too fast and before we know it get completely out of balance because it’s effecting our KEEP and we don’t want to GET RID OF what we wanted to KEEP so as we look back we probably should not have ADDED in the first place.
I am grateful for the connection I made on Sunday and for what I learned from Tom, he inspired me in many ways. I truly believe it will be life changing…….it’s a simple way for me to look at the way I do life.
I wanted to post this on Christmas as I know that for many this is the time of year that we ADD to our lives with Christmas gifts from others. As you wrap up 2009 and bring on 2010, consider Tom’s statement. ADD — KEEP — GET RID OF. Is there imbalance in your world? What can you do to simplify or what adjustments do you feel need to be made?
I often ask myself, “Why is it so difficult for me to___________________?” Here are just a FEW things that I’ve used to fill in the blank: exercise, have more patience, be a better listener, not judge others, forgive, pray, organize the junk drawer in my kitchen, accomplish the things on my list, simply make a to do list! I could ramble on for quite some time naming the difficulties I have but the one that has been hitting me like a ton of bricks recently is………give up control.
I’ve been doing A LOT of soul searching, reading books, and praying to find the answer and it FINALLY came to me. The answer is Fear. It’s that simple……….It is difficult for me to give up control in EVERY area of my life because I FEAR the unknown. I’ve been fooling myself for years thinking that I had all the answers and that if I could just maintain control in EVERY situation and relationship it would be best for everyone involved. Seriously, I thought that…….silly me!!
How was that working for me? NOT VERY WELL!! I was miserable. My life was out of control. The very thing that I thought I was controlling was OUT OF CONTROL! I crumbled, I was defeated, I couldn’t do it anymore, I hit rock bottom (that experience I will share in another blog).
As I look back to that time just a short six months ago, I am grateful. I’ve embraced the experiences in my past and have chosen to find the good in the bad. But, now what? Changes needed to be made or I would end up right back where I was……miserable.
I thank God for putting people in my life who speak truth to me and kick me in the butt to tell me what I NEED to hear not what I want to hear. It wasn’t enough for me to just be grateful, embrace my past, find good from the bad, etc. I needed to do something about it. I needed to take action – UGH!!! Taking action may be one of the most difficult things to do sometimes. It’s easy to talk about it but to actually do it IS WORK. What I’m realizing is that if I am NOT taking action I’m either getting “stale” or falling backwards and I do NOT want to go backwards and to me stale stinks!
So, baby steps…………to give up control. Remember this is just one of my difficulties/challenges/character defects – but you gotta start somewhere, right? I’m taking baby steps to give up control and trusting God with my life. He goes before me and paves the way; I want His plan to be my plan. I want to grow NOT be stale, this is the desire of my heart. The daily challenge for me is I want to take my control back, out of fear! My simple prayer is this, God your will be done, not mine. I’m saying this little prayer no less than 100 times some days and He is piece by piece showing me his plan and I LIKE IT!!!
I truly believe that one piece to the puzzle is Keeping it Personal. God woke me one morning at 3:00 a.m. with the Who are we….on my heart. I couldn’t go back to sleep until I had it all typed up and saved on my computer. A month later were taking action. We’ve decided to go, move forward, and like my husband often says to me, “do something!” As we start this journey down a path that is unknown to us we are trusting God to pave the way. With keeping it personal we want to be a blessing and make a difference in the lives of others by sharing our experiences – which in turn blesses us. That’s what we know right now.
Leah and I want to encourage you connect with us with your comments, feedback, and suggestions; we WANT to hear from YOU!! We are going to do our best to provide you with a daily KIP; this is a suggestion/idea on ways to keep it personal in your interactions with others, via our blog, Facebook, and Twitter.
Do you have the desire to establish a closer relationship with God and discover what His plan is for your life? Are you keeping it personal with God? Transform your life and join us on a daily journey as we KIP with God. Learn more by clicking on the picture.....
KIP Pik: The Diaper Drive
Who would've thought that cleaning out a closet, de-cluttering the old and unused to make room for new, would uncover something that is desperately needed - DIAPERS. Check out what Kristen Grode is up to by clicking on the picture above. She's our KIP Pik......blessing those in need, by distributing diapers.
After talking this over with several friends, I realized that I’m not alone on this topic, SO I thought I would share a fun way……OK maybe it’s not FUN, BUT it is a ‘not so serious’ way to deal with our negative self talk, selfishness, poisonous pride, deceiving thoughts, resentments, and our larger than LARGE ego that needs to be tamed and managed.
I have to share with you my friend’s story……
