After talking this over with several friends, I realized that I’m not alone on this topic, SO I thought I would share a fun way……OK maybe it’s not FUN, BUT it is a ‘not so serious’ way to deal with our negative self talk, selfishness, poisonous pride, deceiving thoughts, resentments, and our larger than LARGE ego that needs to be tamed and managed.
Just like most things that make their way into our lives, if we acknowledge them, call them out, identify what they are we have a better chance of dealing with them and managing the situation. When we’ve got our blinders on or if we are unwilling to take an honest look at ourselves, a few things could happen. We can slowly lose joy, get stuck in ruts, and start to place blame where it does NOT belong.
Let me introduce to you Towanda. Towanda has been with me since I was born. We grew up together, experienced life together, faced challenges together, and even lived together. The funny things is………I didn’t really KNOW her until recently. Once I got to know her? Well, I decided I did NOT like her AT ALL!! She is negative, controlling, manipulative, insecure, resentful, selfish, insensitive, judgmental, and angry. LOVELY, wouldn’t you say?!?!? NOT!! Here’s the kicker about Towanda; Towanda is ME.
YES, Towanda is the name I have given all my MY “character defects”. Before I continue, I have to say this. If your name is Towanda and you’re reading this, PLEASE do NOT take offense. I grabbed the name from a scene that I remembered from the movie Fried Green Tomatoes. Actress Kathy Bates plays the character Evelyn Couch and gives her alter-ego this name. You can watch the Towanda clip if you’d like, it’s pretty funny! With that said, If you’d like to name your character defects “Teri” go right ahead, I won’t take offense. LOL
I was FINALLY able to see Towanda when God revealed her to me in February 2010. It was a love/hate experience. I thought that I had already surrendered MY will or should I say Towanda’s, BUT I had not. I was still in the drivers seat, trying to maintain the wheel. It took me 36 years to get to this point of being able to identify Towanda. I’m confident that many people in my world had met her before I was able to, but I’m grateful that I FINALLY did……even though it was a painful realization.
Our first meeting was tough, I cried when I met her. I couldn’t believe I had let her live with me for that long with out doing something about it. It has been a slow process grasping ALL of her character defects, but God continues to reveal to me more of Towanda as I grow in my faith and my walk with Him.
If you’re perfect. Not needing to change anything in your life, you can stop reading hear. BUT, if you’ve got some areas in your life that need improvement, or have identified some character defects, like me, you will want to read Part two of this post on Thursday. There I will walk you though the steps that I took to giving ‘it’ a name and explain what to do when your new found unwanted friend is triggered and wakes up!
You can read Part two by following this link.
Daily KIP: Being honest in your relationships will help all your relationships progress and become better. When you are honest in relationships you will also be improving yourself. Remember however, compassionate honesty, make sure to think before you speak. Say things honestly yet nicely.
Lately I’ve been frustrated with the word TRY. I know it sounds strange……really, who actually thinks that much about a word?!?!
I understand that there are times when we need to use the word TRY. Here are a few examples:
2. People need to try-out for a team or a part in a play.
3. Trying new foods is another good example – in fact, in our family we have a “try-club” that my boys belong to and this is how we encourage them to try new foods.
I could continue on with many more examples where to “try” something is positive, encourages growth, and gets people to experience more in life – that’s GREAT!!
I’ve often caught myself using the word TRY as a cop-out or an excuse to just move on to the next thing instead of being truly honest. So let me give you a couple examples of what that looks like:
1. A friend is telling me about a new seafood restaurant that they LOVED and they recommend it to me. I say, “OH that’s sounds GREAT, I’ll have to give it a try sometime.” (SERIOUSLY I have NO intention of ever trying this restaurant – I don’t eat seafood – thanks for sharing!!! Why couldn’t I have just said that? That’s REAL!)
2. I’m talking with someone about a situation that I’m going through and they give me their advice sharing with me something that worked/helped them and I say, “OH that sounds good, I’ll have to try that.” (BUT, Inside I’m thinking, you have absolutely NO clue what I’m talking about – I soooo don’t agree with you and I’m NOT going to do that – SORRY!!)
Again, I could go on with more examples of this type of “try” and now that I’ve written these, I’m embarrassed to say that I do this OFTEN…….I need to focus on keeping it real with others, WOW!
The “try” that has been frustrating to me are NOT the two I’ve shared above. You see, over the past month I’ve noticed in others and haven’t been able to understand why some people close to me continue to tell me their “trying” to change certain things but the “certain things” continue to stay the same. My thoughts are – this trying thing is NOT working!! JUST DO IT!! DECIDE and DO IT – don’t try anymore – MAKE IT HAPPEN!!
Here’s one that I see with my boys. Boys will be boys, they fight, like boys do, and sometimes (ok, a lot of times) are rude and disrespectful – UGH!! When I talk with them about their behavior the response I typically get from them is, “Ok mom, I’ll try to be nice to my brother.” NO LESS than 10 minutes later the behavior they said they were TRYING to change comes right back at me. COME On, BE NICE!!
As I write this I’m reflecting on me and how I am; Usually when I’m frustrated about something in others, I have to look in the mirror. I’ve got a lot of work to do in this area in my parenting, relationships, and other situations. Looks like it’s time for me to answer the question: What is it that I need to STOP “trying” and DO?
