Women don’t have a very good track record with being good friends. In fact there are so many women walking around with invisible heart scars from harsh words, dirty looks and clickiness, is that even a word?  It is for women.

Why is true friendship so hard? Why do we close ourselves in? Why don’t we allow others to love us and to love fully in return?

I believe that the most powerful tools we have to show God’s love are attacked most by the enemy.

God could have chosen a million different ways to reveal himself to the hurting world around us and yet he chose to send his Spirit to live inside those who believe and live for Him.

He chose us to be His presence to each other.

Recently I have had a friend enter my life and she has taken me by surprise. The way she chooses to be my friend is selfless. She loves because I need love not for how I will love in return.

How many of us can say that we love like that? That our motivation for love is purely to give what the other person needs without any thought or expectation of what we will get in return?

Today, I am checking my motives. Today I am asking that the Spirit that lives inside me will enable me to love selflessly. We have been given the best example in the one who gave up all his rights along with his life so that we could truly live – Jesus.

Maybe if women started to love selflessly with eyes for the other person, heart scars would begin to heal and God would be more free to move in and through us to touch each other.

Maybe our track record for friendships wouldn’t be resolved to cattiness and clickiness, but selfless love.

“There are not many things in life so beautiful as true friendship, and not many things more uncommon.”  Unknown

Photo Credit:  sincerely_juless

Single Mom. It’s a label I never intended to wear. But there it was branded on my chest like the scarlet letter.

Some parents were hesitant to have their children play at my home.

I couldn’t find a class at church I fit into.

It was difficult to find friends my age.

I was Single…and a mom.

Have you ever struggled to fit in? All women wrestle with the issue at some point. The question is what do we do when we find ourselves on the outside looking in?

I did three things during my time as a single mom that allowed me not just to survive but thrive.

1. People – I could not force others into friendship. I concentrated on bettering the relationships in my life. When a friend came along, I fostered the relationship. I became intentional about my time with my kids and made memories out of the ordinary. Most importantly, I tried to be grateful for the relationships I did have instead of bemoaning the ones I didn’t.
2. Physical Fitness – I could not control how others treated me or whether I was included. I tuned into what I could control – how I felt about myself. I lost weight and toned up. I used cardio to work out my feelings and de-stress so I could be the best mom possible.
3. Prayer – I could not control whether others had compassion on me and my situation or had a desire to help. I sought the help I had. I learned to pray about the issues of my day to day life – big and small. Finances, logistics and emotional energy were an issue each day so I used the outlet I had to manage everything. I asked God for His help and intervention. He never let me down.

Eventually my life circumstances changed. I remarried, had two more children and eventually became a pastor’s wife. The three ways I learned to make much of little still enhance my life today.

Are you in a period of struggle? Does your heart long for friendship but a label or circumstance makes forging relationships difficult? A shift of focus to people, fitness and prayer can make tomorrow better today.

Photo Credit:  Frederic Poirot

“For fast-acting relief try slowing down” – Lily Tomlin

We can GO. GO. GO. with out stopping to take a breath because life is full of expectations.  From ourselves and others to DO. DO. DO.

Life happens.  From one day to the next.

Life goes on.  Even after hiccups, set-backs, and losses.

Life begins with today – yesterday is a memory, tomorrow doesn’t matter  – we. have. TODAY.

Enjoy TODAY…

…can you?  will you?

God gifts us 1,440 precious minutes each day, does it ever feel like enough?

We have a choice how we manage these gifts, these minutes.  How many do we sleep?  Enjoy eating?  Work, play?  Spend connecting with others, spend with loved ones?  How many do we set aside for ourselves?  How many do we give back to spend time with God, our creator?

We have TODAY…the “present” — the moment IS. A. PRESENT {gift} — L I V I N G in the moment is a very challenging way to think, to feel. We are tugged in so many directions by children, bosses, teachers, co-workers, friends, neighbors, and society.

The gift of someone’s presence is amazing to receive AND…

…amazing to give.

Have you experienced the feeling of someone’s presence?  Without the distractions of being on the phone, watching tv, playing a video game, being in a hurry to be somewhere else?

I have.  I’ve experienced someone giving me the gift of being “present” with me.  Undivided attention, focus, INTENTIONAL.  It felt great.  I want to give that FREE gift to others — be present.  My desire is to SLOW DOWN and BE with my kids, my family, my friends, AND my God.  God is present all the time; He is my provider. Keeping my focus on HIM gives me strength, hope and JOY.

This is the day the LORD has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalms 118:24

Photo Credit: nerdboy

I don’t know about you, but for me, the new year always seems to bring with it such promise…

…such hope.

I always begin my new year with a little tradition; buying a new journal. This year, I have re-committed to healthy living, both body and mind. And my new journal plays an important role in staying focused. I love to take a moment in my week, (daily if time permits) and jot down my goals and ideas. This helps me to keep on track with moving forward and not lose sight of what is important to me.

Last year I seemed to lose my momentum…

…I lost sight of things that were important to me.

I know it was because of my lack of planning. I have learned that I need to write things down. thoughts, dreams, ideas and goals. otherwise, i lose sight of myself. when that happens, I end up becoming my last priority.

This year, I plan on keeping more focused on those things that are truly important to me. I wrote down some ways to keep my inspiration up this coming up year and i wanted to share with you here;

1. keep a ‘me journal’. carry it with you in your purse. use this journal for everything. (I have been known to write down recipes, meal plans, even grocery lists in my journals). jot down 5 important things you want to accomplish each week. for me, this would be; 4 to 5 days of exercise, eating a big salad every day, keeping up with the laundry, setting time aside daily to stay organized, and just plain …s  l  o  w    d  o  w  n.

2. waking up with good thoughts, meditations or prayer; the morning is a time of refreshing and renewing. wake up and make the decision to re-commit to good thoughts. about yourself and about others. also to be true to your goals of that day. don’t overwhelm yourself with the goals of the week, just seek to accomplish what you hope to that day.

3. stop to take a few deep breaths during the day. breathing deeply helps to relax your mind and body and has many other health benefits.

4. find what you love and make time for it.

5. surround yourself with uplifting people. focus on building friendships with these people. people who care about you and things you have in common.

6. stay away from things and people that drain you.

7. get at least 8 hours of sleep each night.

8. organize your space. keep it clean and uncluttered.

9. help others.

10. promise to make your health a priority. above all else. invest in good vitamins, drink green tea and lots of water. take care of you so you can take care of those you love.

I think the most important thing to ‘keeping it personal‘ in the new year is to stay focused on those things that bring you the most joy. Once you discover what those things truly are…

…carve out time to spend time with those joys.

Life is full of ‘to do’s’. But, when you make time for yourself, it makes your life all the more joyful.

Photo Credit:  {soulbella}

“One generation shall praise Thy works to another, and shall declare Thy mighty acts. On the glorious splendor of Thy majesty, and on Thy wonderful works, I will meditate. And men shall speak of the power of Thine awesome acts; And I will tell of Thy greatness. They shall eagerly utter the memory of Thine abundant goodness, and shall shout joyfully of Thy righteousness. “ Psalm 145: 4-7

I love a good story.

Yet, more than just a good story, I love to hear about the intervention of a Holy God in the ordinary lives of men. So many times we put God in the clouds. We make him a lofty being that controls things like the universe, the weather, and the large events of life. However, we fail to realize that…

…God is in our everyday details.

God does not hear about our daily happenings secondhand. He sustains our very breath and goes before us. Life can be exhilarating and disappointing. As a child, I gave my heart to the Lord. As an adult, the many aspects of His character have jumped off the pages of scripture and become personal to me.

He became my Healer, when He healed me of Congestive Heart Failure and a difficult pregnancy.

He became my Deliverer when He set me free from a lifetime of irrational fear.

He was my Friend, when no one else understood the chronic health issues I faced each day.

He is my Counselor, my Redeemer, my Strength, and He is all of these things each and every day.

I hope that in this very moment you will understand, without a shadow of a doubt, that God wants a relationship with you.

He wants to sit with you in the morning over a cup of coffee, as well as fight for you in the darkness. May 2012 be the year that you see God as your everyday God…

…your friend day in and day out.

What if, you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday?

OUCH!!

I stumbled across this message the other day and it stopped. me. in. my. tracks.

Why?  Because I had been having a pity-party.  It wasn’t fun. really, it was NOT.  There was no one at my “party” it was just me and my miserable self.

When I read these words, I thought…

…today I would have nothing.

And, that was not ok with me.  I needed to shift my thinking and take the advice that I so frequently give to others. {practice what I “preach” — walk the walk}

Write a gratitude list — NOW!

So I did, with the message in mind, “…what IF I ONLY had the things that I thanked God for.” — what are those things that I would so desperately want, miss, desire — what am I truly grateful for?

Thank YOU God for…

1. your grace, mercy, forgiveness, and for Your unconditional love for me
2. my health and a sound mind — for the strength that you give me everyday
3. my husband, his strength, provision, leadership, his health, our marriage, his hugs and kisses, the way he loves me
4. my children, their health, smiles, unique gifts and personalities, their hugs and kisses
5. always giving me and my family enough to make it through each day – food, shelter, clothing, love
6. my family, their love and support, their prayers
7. my friendships, the encouragement from others, positive healthy relationships
8. healing and restoration — in relationships, emotionally, physically, spiritually
9. opportunities to share the message you’ve place in my heart, to sow seeds, impact the lives of others, to shine Your light, the freedom to share
10. technology — for providing us ways to learn and grow, to connect, to simplify

…my pity-party ended as I made my list.

Tomorrow starts a New Year, a new beginning.  What’s on your gratitude list?  What are those things that you want to wake up with tomorrow; to carry into 2012?

Write a gratitude list — NOW!

 ”Find something you are passionate about, and keep tremendously interested in it.” – Julia Child

What are you passionate about? What makes you sigh with contentment even just a little bit?

What makes you smile?

Our lives are busy. Lately, my life has been busy, really busy. So busy that you know what? I have forgotten to enjoy the things that I enjoy! I love hot tea. I love to cook. I absolutely adore keeping up with my house and ever tweaking and decorating to make our house a home. I love to read. I thoroughly enjoy blogging and keeping up with so many dear online friends. The list goes on…

This quote hit me squarely between the eyes when I stumbled across it. Is “BUSY” an excuse to ignore the things that you enjoy? If you’re like me, much of your “busy” is tied up with the things/responsibilities/people that you love dearly (good things). That’s the sneakiness of the situation. There is a balance to be had, people!

What is it that you love to do?

It is OK to cultivate your interests. Life isn’t going to get less busy. Schedule time to sip that cup of tea! Make time to read a few chapters from that novel you have deliberately set on the back burner in the name of “just not having the time.” Call your girlfriend who has been patiently talking to your voicemail.

It takes effort to stay interested in your hobbies and enjoy what makes you smile. They are important. Fit them into your “busy!” You will be better equipped to love, give, and fulfill your responsibilities when you do.

“And I commend joy, for man has no good thing under the sun but to eat and drink and be joyful, for this will go with him in his toil through the days of his life that God has given him under the sun.” – Ecclesiastes 8:15 ESV

This topic has come up a lot lately in my conversations with friends and interactions with others.

What in your world “divides” your attention from the people and things that are really important?

I’ve been hit over the head with it in a very real way and am sad to say that over the past several years – YES, you heard it…S E V E R A L …years I’ve struggled with giving others around me undivided attention.

I am not one to blame things on others or things or situations – I can only look in the mirror and ask the question, “What role am I playing in this situation, or what did I do to set this ball in motion?”

My answer?  I realized that….. –> read more here today I’m a guest writer over at Carey Scott Talks talking about Undivided Attention.

Photo Credit: Jorge Quinteros

People leave “marks” in our lives.  This poem touched my heart as I reflected upon the special people I’ve been blessed to know, learn from, grow from.  Those who in big ways and in small ways have left me forever changed.  May these words mark your heart like they did mine.

Because of people like you… 

My circle of friends is broader, my faith is deeper,
my life is richer, and my journey of joy in life
continues to unfold before me.

I have witnessed sincerity, generosity,
and patience.
I have learned truth, grace, and perseverance.
I have been shown humility, gratitude, and love.
I now know the glory of
a much greater power—God in my heart.
I have purpose, fulfillment, and peace.
I have choices, family, and security.

Because of people like you…
I am blessed.
I see.
I believe.
I am taught.
I am grateful.

Thank you for loving me when I can’t love myself.
Thank you for teaching me even though
I am not always a good student.
Thank you for showing me even when my mind is closed.
Thank you for instilling in me the values of
a better life even when I resist.
Thank you for saving my life.
Thank you for being a reminder of
what is right when I want to do wrong.
Thank you for the gift of being the person you are.

I am forever changed.
Because of people like you…

- Kate Kriha -

Is it possible I’m actually invisible?  I mused as I sat in the “Old Gym”.  Never mind the “New Gym” had been constructed 20 years prior.  In a community changing at the speed of icebergs, where I sat would forever be known as the “Old Gym”.

I felt where I sat – old, tired, unnoticed.

I still had difficulty fitting in and making friends. I thought it was my “outsider” status. I’d only lived in the community three years. I’d be the “New Girl” in the “Old Gym” for at least a generation.

I wanted my peers to notice me, to think me interesting and desire to include me.

In a split second I’d formed my plan.“I’m moving to Paris,” I announced to my classmates.

My dishonesty was rewarded with immediate interest. As the questions flew through the air, satisfaction settled in as a temporary residence. In no time, my pals asked questions my loosely concocted story couldn’t answer. My web of lies grew wider and more complex until even I had no idea what I’d said.

How I wish I could go back and whisper in the ear of the teenage version of myself. I would tell her…

…pretense and dishonesty doesn’t garner lasting relationships.

At best it creates tension in them and at worst destroys them.

As women, if we were honest, aren’t we still tempted by pretense? Sure we may not make an outlandish claim based on relocation to a foreign country. But I’d be lying if I said I’d never dressed with other’s approving looks in view of my mind. I’d be dishonest if I said I never told the best about my children to validate my mothering.

Twenty-five years later, I’m still the “New Girl” — I’ve moved 17 times in 41 years. Making friends is still a challenge but one I conquer through honesty, not deception. I’ve found when I present a real woman who some days yells at her kids and other times writes sweet notes on their lunch napkins, I don’t have to go looking for relationships. They find me.

In our plastic, competitive world, women are desperately seeking authenticity in their relationships.

So I wonder about us…

Could we be friends?

Could we mutually agree to set aside pretense to grow a relationship with less tension?

Let’s meander down the road of adult friendship together.

I’ll be real and tell you I’ve still never visited Paris, besides their airport for a layover and you can tell me about the time you laughed until milk squirted out your nose. Authenticity will build a beautiful, tensionless friendship.

Photo courtesy of Xx.Broken_Girl17.xX