(If you received this post via email, be sure to click here to watch the video.)

Last week I had the opportunity to see the movie Joyful Noise — “pre-release” — I liked it…

…hope. perseverance. love.

BUT, what really touched my heart and kept me thinking for days after were the lyrics to the first song that opened the movie:

Man In The Mirror by Michael Jackson

I’m starting with the man in the mirror
I’m asking him to change his ways

And no message could have been any clearer

If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change

This is what I’m talking about today in my video –> CHANGE starts with me.  I mean, CHANGE starts with you.  I mean, CHANGE starts with ourselves, individually.

IF you wanna make the world {your world…your surroundings…your “life”…your day} a better place — take a look at YOURSELF and THEN make. a. change.

YOU.  ME. WE. need to BE the change we want to see!

Are YOU looking at the {wo}man in the mirror and asking {her} him to change {her} his ways?  OR are you looking for everyone else to make a change thinking that your “world” would be better IF they make the change?

Photo Credit:  ElvertBarnes

From the archives and modified…

What is a dry well?  Simply put it’s a well that is dry, one that does not produce any water.  A dry well would be one that no one returns to to quench their thirst and in most cases it would be capped of, abandoned and forgotten.

…but they are most often always still there.

Getting water from a well is not an easy task, it a takes a lot of work.

I’m not talking about the modern day technology kind of well that’s used by cities, allowing us to get hot or cold water from our faucets, not that kind of well.

I’m talking about the old wells. You know, the one where the bucket is hanging there – you have to manually turn the crank down to the bottom, scoop the water in the bucket and then crank the bucket up; that’s a lot of work to get one bucket of water!

IF you were to make the effort to go to the well, the old fashioned kind – put the bucket on the hook, crank it ALL the way down to the bottom and then crank it back up ONLY to find it empty…

…would your need be met?

Would you be able to quench your thirst? or use the water to wash your clothes? bathe yourself or your child?

no.

You would most likely walk away feeling sad, defeated, lonely, frustrated, thirsty, dirty, afraid.

Knowing that the well was dried up, would you go back to get more water?

Maybe, right?

Maybe the well just happened to be dry that day — maybe tomorrow would be different — maybe because it rained {or something like that} …there would be water.

So, the next day you go to the same well, drop the same bucket only to find…

…the well IS still dry!

Shoot!  Once again your needs are not met.  You walk away with the same feelings you had the day before; sad, defeated, lonely, frustrated, thirsty, dirty, afraid.

This could go on for days hoping to get different results. Until finally the decision is made to accept the reality that the well is dry.

It will no longer meet the needs that it once did.

You. let. it. go.

You find another well to meet your needs. But it’s very difficult and it can take a lot of time.

Over the past couple of years I’ve asked myself why in the world am I continually drawn to “dry wells”?

Now, I’m talking about people and relationships.

I make the connection between the two because some of the relationships that I’ve had OR have are like dry wells; they do not quench my thirst.

I continue to go to the people {relationship} thinking the next time will be different…

…but it’s not.

I leave sad, defeated, sometimes insecure, feeling judged, frustrated, empty.

I’ve come to the realization {once again} that we indeed are creatures of habit and change is not easy!

What have I done?

I’ve taken the path of least resistance, in some cases, and continue to get the same results. yuk…it’s painful.

“Sometimes we have to set aside or walk away from the unhealthy to make room in our lives for God to bring healthy.”

This statement is so true, but difficult.  Why?

Because we want so bad for the “well” aka. person {relationship} not. to. be. dry.

Plus, it’s easy to NOT work on de-cluttering and be “status quo” — even though something may be unhealthy and painful.

Double Plus, if we let go of that, even though it’s unhealthy — what do we replace it with in the meantime?

Do we trust God to bring us healthy?

Remember, people {relationships}, like a dried up well, are most often always still there.  As we make the decision to “set aside the unhealthy to make room for the healthy” — it doesn’t mean we need to destroy or eliminate — we just don’t need to go there anymore.  We need to set boundaries and make room for God to bring us healthy.

How many dry wells are you going to?

Photo Credit: wonka_chocolate

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It’s December.

Many of us are living in and enjoying the Spirit of the Season — Christmas parties, shopping for gifts, family time, and food…lots of food.  Some of us, this month, look forward into the new year — we plan, set goals, think about and decide what our New Year’s “resolutions” will be.

For me…I will pick a ONE WORD.  Inspired by the My One Word experiment.  My One Word  for 2011 was/is REFINE — I didn’t realize how appropriate it would be when I picked it last December, BUT this year has truly been that…

…refining

…in all areas of my life  {emotionally, spiritually, relationships, professionally, health/wellness} primarily because of my book, Overcoming the Nevers.

In addition to My One Word, I choose an “anchor statement” — verse, quote, “mantra” if you will.  For 2011 I chose a verse from the Bible, Daniel 11:35

I’ve never been one to be able to stick to New Year’s Resolutions.

I am a goal setter, but more of a visionary — breaking the “big picture” down to short term goals, daily steps to keep me moving forward.

So, my one word and my anchor statement are what I’m thinking about this month.

What do you do as one year comes to a close and another one begins? Set Goals? Resolutions? Nothing?

Consider picking a ONE WORD and an ANCHOR STATEMENT to keep you grounded and focused for 2012!  {If you need help choosing your word, go here.}

I’ve got MY ONE WORD and my ANCHOR picked for 2012– I will share with you next week.  Will you join me?

So many times we think we are doing our best, trying to make everyone happy…

…people pleasing

BUT we end up exhausted, frustrated, spinning our wheels, angry, resentful — hurt.

Read this short illustration taken from the book Morning Light by Amy E. Dean…

The Man, the Boy, and the Donkey

A man and his son headed to market with their donkey. A man on a horse passed them and asked, “Why aren’t you riding your donkey?”

The man placed his son on the donkey, and they continued on their way. They passed by a family working in their fields. A young girl said. “Look at that lazy boy riding while his father is walking.”

The man told his son to get off the donkey, and he climbed on. They passed a group of women and one said, “What a selfish man, making his son walk while he rides.”

The man asked his son to climb up on the donkey with him. They passed a traveler on the road, who said, “That poor donkey is carrying too much weight.”

Not knowing what to do, the man and his son began to carry the donkey. But the donkey kicked so violently they released their hold and the donkey ran away.

The Moral of the story: In striving to please everyone, you end up pleasing no one.

Striving to be a people-pleaser can make you feel as if what you are doing is never right, and you lose your ability to make your own decision.

Can you choose today to focus on doing what is right for you, regardless of what others may think or say?

Can you focus on pleasing your audience of ONE instead of an audience of many?

Photo Credit: Boris SV

Story taken from: December 3, 2011 – Today’s Gift from Hazelden

I attended a conference a few weeks ago. It was a great conference where they were extremely generous with all the stuff they gave away to the attendees. I left for the conference with a short list of books I need to review. I came home with a stack of books so tall; it may take me all year to read them!

It was overwhelming to think about how I would get all the books read. For a few days, I just stared at the stack of books unable to decide where to start. Then I began to realize something. This is a pattern I need to break free from…

…I get stuck.

If there is too much on my plate or my to-do list is too long, I don’t do anything. I just stand there paralyzed and worried about all there is to do. I have been told to simply “do the next thing” but that doesn’t really help me.

Can you relate?

Sometimes, when given that advice, I hit stage two of my paralysis: the paralysis of analysis. I can’t decide what the next thing is!   So this is where I call in reinforcements. When I get stuck, there are a few things I do to help me get unstuck:

• Ask
• Prioritize
• Pray
• Schedule

Ask for help! This is often where I start. I usually ask for help from my husband. Now, this is not necessarily the “do it with me or for me” kind of help, but rather a step to help me figure out the next thing. I ask my husband because he is great about suggesting a place to start. I have to do this with my kids too. If I say “Go clean your room” nothing gets done, but if I say pick up all your clothes off the floor, then make your bed, it generally gets done.

Prioritize. Sometimes this one is obvious, but other times I have to make a list and figure out which is most important. Ideally all of it would get done and I’d be like superwoman, but it hasn’t happened yet. Sometimes, I enlist help on this one too!

Pray. Pray that you will get it done and that there would be joy in the process. Pray for wisdom in setting those priorities. Pray that God would give you insight as to the best way to do what you need to do.

Set a schedule. This one is the hardest for me. I am not a structured, schedule person, and I am not a list maker. I figure I can always do it tomorrow. This has, however, been one of the best things for me. Two of my scheduled areas of life are Laundry and Housecleaning. If I can focus on one room/area of the house per day, it stays pretty clean and we are all happier. If I do 2 or 3 loads of laundry per day, they actually get folded and put away. It works better than trying to do 15 loads of laundry on Saturday, then feeling overwhelmed all over again.

These are the steps I have to take in order to “do the next thing”

Is it easy for you to just do the next thing or do you get trapped in the paralysis of analysis?

What tools work best for you?

Photo Credit: Walt Stoneburner

Recently, when dressing to leave my house, I found myself changing my clothes three times and still when I walked out the door…

I did not feeling pretty enough.

When seasons change, like summer to fall, I feel a little insecure about letting go of those things that I’ve found that bring me comfort, the “groove” that I’ve been on — changing my wardrobe, preparing for the next season.  Additionally, I feel a little insecure about the changing “life seasons” as I grow older, as my children grow older, my career path, and relationship struggles; all of life’s challenges.

When these insecurities manifest, I start to think…

I’m not good enough — not equipped.

When I don’t feel good enough on the INSIDE, I try to dress pretty on the outside to make up for how I feel — it’s like wearing a mask.

Wearing a cute outfit, styling my hair perfectly, having the right color lipstick, carrying a fabulous handbag …the list goes on.

What I’ve discovered is, this just doesn’t work.

Using my “outside” to overcome how we feel on the “inside” is never enough — it’s a temporary fix for a deep rooted issue.

Realizing this, I’ve started to embrace the “I am good enough” attitude everyday.  I tell myself this truth and remind myself frequently — I am good enough in every situation, in every season, in every life role.  I affirm myself when I feel down or when I make a mistake.  I give myself grace when I don’t have all the answers or when I can’t accomplish everything in the day before my head hits the pillow.

When I believe “I am good enough” — this truth keeps my heart full of joy and happiness.

When I believe that nothing external defines my value or my purpose, I can make others feel good, by loving them and accepting them. When I love, accept, and show compassion towards others, they in turn are encouraged to do the same to those who surround them.

I am good enough and so are you.  Because we are all uniquely and purposefully created VERY good by God.

Lets remember this truth:

What comes out of you when you are squeezed is what is inside of you. – Wayne Dyer

So, regardless of the season — or the outfit — or the house — or the life circumstance — lets focus on loving who we are, discovering the truth tending to our “insides” so we can shine our light on the outside.

What you’re after is truth from the inside out. Enter me, then; conceive a new, true life. Psalms 51:6 (Msg.)

Be encouraged…we are good enough. period.

Photo Credit: jorid

It’s Monday and I don’t have a video to share, so I write.

…I extend myself grace, I accept grace.

When we are too rigid with our plans and our agenda, when we get caught up in the doing instead of the living …our joy can be stolen.  We can allow so many things to take away our joy.

What is creeping in to steal your joy?

Life has been full.
{I continue to say this, will it ever not be full?}

Especially this month of October. Of the 31 days, I’ve been traveling 17 of them.  I’ve flown on 9 different planes, been in 6 states, closed my eyes on 4 different pillows at night, and lived out of one suitcase.  That’s too much for this girl.

Today I’m home.

The refrigerator is empty, the pantry is bare, there are no groceries in the house and tomorrow is Halloween.  Has it even crossed my mind — I’ve got two little nuggets that might want to enjoy the festivities of this holiday and dress up like litle goblins? – Yes, but I’ve done nothing about it.

…I extend myself grace, I accept grace.

What I’m learning is that when I sense my joy beginning to leave by feeling overwhelmed, or trying to do and be everything — I need to stop.  I need to reflect.  I need to count my many blessings…

…I write  a gratitude list.

I focus on the good.  I look for the good.  You see, the thief, the enemy, the evil one comes only to steal and kill and destroy; but our Provider, our Source, the Lover of our Souls comes so that we may have life, and have it to the fullest.

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:21

What does this look like for me, today as I write? Here’s the two things on my list…

1.  I’m overwhelmed {joy stealer – evil} by the release of my new book.

I’m grateful {joy giver – good} my message is out and lives are being touched, I’m grateful {joy giver – good} and excited for the journey, not the race.

2.  I’m frustrated and disappointed {joy stealer – evil} that I didn’t have the time or make the time to plan a fun memorable Halloween for my nuggets.

I’m grateful {joy giver – good} that there are alternatives to the traditional holiday activities, we will do something fun and spend quality time together.

We always have a choice in our response — always.

What is stealing your joy?

Call it out and speak against it.  Identify the joy stealer and replace it with the joy giver.

Overcome evil with good.
Look for the positive.

Walk with me, lets choose to experience JOY!

I was sifting though my email inbox this past week — giving it a little “spring clean” — and came a cross several forwarded emails.  Most often they go unopened and are deleted, but today I took the time to read a couple.  The one that caught my eye shared this message…

There is a H U G E difference between growing older and growing up.

The email went further into the concept…as I reflected, I thought –> That is SO true!  <– growing old is effortless — anybody can grow old and will grow old. BUT growing UP takes intentional action; always looking for opportunity IN change TO change…to become.

I love the innocence of children.  I love how curious they are.  But for me, I would never want to go back to that age in my life.  I’ve got great memories from my childhood, for the most part, but I have no desire to ever go back.  I love today, now.  I love growing old AND growing up.

“You have to do your own growing no matter how tall your grandfather was.” - Abraham Lincoln

What about you — would ever want to go back to the younger years?  What do you think about growing old and growing up?  Do you see there is a huge difference?

What did you do today to GROW UP?  Are you intentionally growing up?

This topic has come up a lot lately in my conversations with friends and interactions with others.

What in your world “divides” your attention from the people and things that are really important?

I’ve been hit over the head with it in a very real way and am sad to say that over the past several years – YES, you heard it…S E V E R A L …years I’ve struggled with giving others around me undivided attention.

I am not one to blame things on others or things or situations – I can only look in the mirror and ask the question, “What role am I playing in this situation, or what did I do to set this ball in motion?”

My answer?  I realized that….. –> read more here today I’m a guest writer over at Carey Scott Talks talking about Undivided Attention.

Photo Credit: Jorge Quinteros

This past week I had the opportunity to attend my publisher’s, Advantage Media Group, authors marketing summit — It was AWESOME for two reasons…

1.  I was handed a copy of my book — I was speechless — it’s OFFICIAL, I’m a published author!  You can read more about that experience by clicking here

2.  I was presented with GREAT information and GREAT ideas for two days by phenomenal speakers

Here lies the potential problem — GREAT information and GREAT ideas are only 10% — Implementation is 90% — IF there is not a plan or no action taken with the ideas and information, nothing will happen.  Waste of money.  Waste of time.

With this top of mind, I’m talking about it today in my video.

What do you to implement what you learn?

We learn each and every day — when we discover a new truth or decide that something would benefit our lives, what is the method of implementation and how is it sustainable?

We need to give our ideas feet — then and only then can we move forward in all areas of our lives…

emotional. spiritual. professional. financial. relationships. health/wellness