Child abuse or should I say the prevention of – is a passion of mine.

Picture this. You are at the grocery store, target, mall- some public place… when a child is acting out. You can see the anxiety of that parent rising. They may lash out at their child who is misbehaving, and maybe even in a way that concerns you. If you have ever been in that situation…

…what was your response?

Was it to stare, or maybe even give the ‘look’?  May I make a suggestion? Any of us who are parents should be able to relate to that situation. How many times have I been standing in line at Target when one of my kids throws a tantrum because I am NOT going to buy them that fancy container of liquid sugar in the check out isle?

They put it there for a reason people!

For parents who decide to give in to their tantruming kids just to get the onlookers off their backs! (I’m guilty!)

Think about what might have helped you in that situation.

A smile? Laughter? Recognition from someone that they have ‘been there‘?

In some circumstances, when you may be really concerned about the escalation of that parent’s behavior, and maybe even concerned for the safety of that child, what. would. you. do?

One recommendation may be to offer a distraction to take that parent out of the heated situation. Kindly interrupt and ask for directions. Compliment them on their clothing, hairstyle, whatever…. ask if they have seen a product. You get the idea. Something completely unrelated to the event, but because you are creating that interruption, it is giving both child and parent time to cool down.

On the other hand, if you are witnessing a violent act against a child, you have the responsibility to alert authorities. Children count on ‘the village‘, and if the village fails them when warning signs are there…

…what is left?

Unfortunately we live in a world where there is stress beyond measure. Many of us are feeling the pressures of our finances. For others it might be health issues, or lack of insurance, or a loved one who is deployed. We all have our triggers. I just ask that you, as a concerned citizen, take the responsibility to be the eyes and ears for our children. It really does take a village.

Anything you do to support kids and parents can help reduce the stress that often leads to abuse and neglect.  Here are some suggestion from preventchildabuse.org article:  What You Can Do: Reach Out PINWHEELS FOR PREVENTION ™ CAMPAIGN

1. Be a friend to a parent you know. Ask how their children are doing. Draw on your own experiences to provide reassurance and support. If a parent seems to be struggling, offer to baby-sit or run errands, or just lend a friendly ear. Show you understand.
2. Be a friend to a child you know. Remember their names. Smile when you talk with them. Ask them about their day at school. Send them a card in the mail. Show you care.
3. Talk to your neighbors about looking out for one another’s children. Encourage a supportive spirit among parents in your apartment building or on your block. Show that you are involved.
4. Give your used clothing, furniture and toys for use by another family. This can help relieve the stress of financial burdens that parents sometimes take out on their kids.
5. Volunteer your time and money for programs in your community that support children and families, like parent support groups or day care centers.

“It takes a village to raise a child.” -African Proverb

Flickr Photo Credit

Unfortunately, you can’t find a mentor on Amazon or Google. That would be too easy and mentoring is not easy. I have had good experiences with mentoring and less fulfilling experiences with mentoring. My best experiences with mentoring have come from people I already knew well, but were a few life-stage steps ahead of me. These were rich times where I could ask tough questions and they could give me real answers. Trust had already been established.

So, my first recommendation for finding a mentor, that I have not seen anywhere else, is this: Find someone you know and trust.

I have found that anytime I have signed up for or inquired about acquiring a mentor through a formal process, there seems to be a rule that there should be at least a 40 year gap in the ages of the two people thrown together. There is often an underlying assumption that you cannot mentor someone unless they are much younger. I do not think this is necessarily true. Don’t get me wrong, I love older generations of people and believe there is much wisdom to be gleaned from intergenerational friendships, however, just because someone is older it doesn’t make them a good mentor and just because someone is younger, it doesn’t make them a bad mentor.

This brings me to my second recommendation: Look for maturity, not just chronological age.

There also seems to be a common idea that a mentor is someone who tells me everything I need to know to get to the next step along the way; a human faucet pouring information into you the sponge. This is a misconception. There is plenty of time for the conveyance of knowledge in a mentoring relationship, but if that is all it is, it is just a consultation. Mentoring is relationship, and relationships are two-sided. You can learn and grow just as much as a Mentor as the one who is being mentored.

So, remember this: Mentoring is a two way street.

“Anyone who receives instruction in the word must share all good things with his instructor.” Galatians 6:6

Sometimes, what we really need is not a formal mentoring or discipleship program, but rather simple genuine friendship where we allow each other to ask hard questions and sometimes not know the answers. Sometimes, I just need someone to walk with me up the hard steep hill of life. How about you?

“Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend.”  Albert Camus

 Photo Credit:  BettinaSchwarz

VERY. Exciting. Stuff.

These plans left me at home with our son, Owen who is almost 9. Some might think we got the short end of the stick. BUT, you know what? This weekend — just the two of us…

…has been priceless.

In fact, even before Doug and Gracie left, Owen came down with his backpack filled with clothes. He announces, “Mom, is it okay if I move into your room for the weekend?” Soooo cute! And, yes… he has pretty much moved in.

We have been busy watching movies, and Funniest Home Videos, and eating popcorn, and swimming, and throwing the football, and putting the Clay Matthews fathead he got for Christmas up on his bedroom wall….

There were no interruptions, we talked, listened, laughed, and spent time together. I have even let the housework slide!

I am reminded how important it is to be intentional about spending time with our kids. They both have such different personalities, and needs, and we react to them differently as a result. To have a few days focusing on each one individually has really been a gift- both to Doug and I, and to our kids.

To be intentional, and present, not distracted by other duties, people, or obligations. I gave myself permission to go on vacation this weekend, and have loved every minute of it!

“Kids spell love T-I-M-E.” – John Crudele

His eyes lit up and a smile transformed his face. “Thank you mommy. Thank you.” He wrapped his pudgy arms around my neck and squeezed tight nearly knocking me over.

My heart swelled with joy to see my sweet son so grateful for something so small.

Do you think God’s heart swells when we offer thanks with a truly grateful heart? Or do we treat God more like the guy who held open the door for us at church. A quick polite thank you and then we rush off to get other things done.

My heart is unmoved when my children rattle off a quick, “thanks mom,” before running out the door to play.

Could it be that we are only being polite to God and not truly grateful?

Do we forget how God deserves a sacrifice of praise not just a polite nod?

Have I ever truly offered God a sacrifice of praise or thanks?

Sacrifice means giving up. It means laying down what I want–self-importance, more children, healthy kids, easy relationships–and thanking God for who He is and what He is doing.

Elisabeth Elliot called these opportunities “little deaths,” chances to say no to self and yes to God. Maybe that is what a sacrifice of praise or thanks would mean. Instead of clinging to what we think our life should look like, we lay it down and say thanks to God for what is.

But we don’t say thanks the way a child who got socks for Christmas says it after his mom elbows him. We say thanks from a heart of humble gratitude. One that realizes it is indebted to God beyond what could ever be repaid. A heart that realizes God knows what is best and even in difficult circumstances can offer thanks because God is trustworthy.

Father God, we long to offer You a real sacrifice of praise and thanks. Help us to lay ourselves on the alter that we may be living sacrifices of thanks to You. Give us humble hearts of gratitude that we may enter Your presence with thanksgiving in our hearts. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

 ”Find something you are passionate about, and keep tremendously interested in it.” – Julia Child

What are you passionate about? What makes you sigh with contentment even just a little bit?

What makes you smile?

Our lives are busy. Lately, my life has been busy, really busy. So busy that you know what? I have forgotten to enjoy the things that I enjoy! I love hot tea. I love to cook. I absolutely adore keeping up with my house and ever tweaking and decorating to make our house a home. I love to read. I thoroughly enjoy blogging and keeping up with so many dear online friends. The list goes on…

This quote hit me squarely between the eyes when I stumbled across it. Is “BUSY” an excuse to ignore the things that you enjoy? If you’re like me, much of your “busy” is tied up with the things/responsibilities/people that you love dearly (good things). That’s the sneakiness of the situation. There is a balance to be had, people!

What is it that you love to do?

It is OK to cultivate your interests. Life isn’t going to get less busy. Schedule time to sip that cup of tea! Make time to read a few chapters from that novel you have deliberately set on the back burner in the name of “just not having the time.” Call your girlfriend who has been patiently talking to your voicemail.

It takes effort to stay interested in your hobbies and enjoy what makes you smile. They are important. Fit them into your “busy!” You will be better equipped to love, give, and fulfill your responsibilities when you do.

“And I commend joy, for man has no good thing under the sun but to eat and drink and be joyful, for this will go with him in his toil through the days of his life that God has given him under the sun.” – Ecclesiastes 8:15 ESV

One of my most favorite times of day is during the evening hours- when the dishes are done, house is picked up ,and I have donned my ‘comfy’ pants. (It’s true. Probably not super stylish, but part of my nightly ritual!)

I cuddle in to be with my kids.

I breathe…or maybe it is more a sigh of relief that the day has come and gone, usually without major incident. Almost a sense of accomplishment that we made it through the day. Safely tucked into cozy beds with all the comforts of home.

It is during this time when I learn the most about what is going on with my children. What kind of day they have had, their worries-if any, their accomplishments and what is on their heart.

I lay with each child and talk. And pray. Whisper a blessing…

…and scratch their back.

I know I drag it out; it ends up taking more time than it probably should. But you know what… I treasure this time with them. To connect. And to let them know that they are precious to me, and precious to God. The chaos of the day has come and gone, and I have their undivided attention. Just me and them. And the quiet night time offers.

Unfortunately, on occasion, it isn’t always so picture perfect. When our nights are overloaded with activities, when patience runs thin, or when the dial simply doesn’t get turned down soon enough, meltdowns occur.

It shouldn’t be a surprise to us as parents, in fact, it should be very predictable when the volcano is about to erupt. When our children are about to come undone.

And at times…even us grownups.

I think we can learn a lot from this scenario, and maybe even apply it to our relationship with God. God delights in spending time with us. For us to be quiet enough to hear His still, small voice. I bet he takes great pleasure in hearing about our day. Our accomplishments and anxieties. Our burdens, fears and hopes. In fact, God calls us to be like little children.

Matthew 18:4 “Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”

So, when you put your head on your pillow tonight, humble yourself like a child, and let God tuck you in for the night. Connect with Him. And let Him remind you how precious you are in His sight. Sleep tight.

This topic has come up a lot lately in my conversations with friends and interactions with others.

What in your world “divides” your attention from the people and things that are really important?

I’ve been hit over the head with it in a very real way and am sad to say that over the past several years – YES, you heard it…S E V E R A L …years I’ve struggled with giving others around me undivided attention.

I am not one to blame things on others or things or situations – I can only look in the mirror and ask the question, “What role am I playing in this situation, or what did I do to set this ball in motion?”

My answer?  I realized that….. –> read more here today I’m a guest writer over at Carey Scott Talks talking about Undivided Attention.

Photo Credit: Jorge Quinteros

I’m back and I’ve invited 18 women to join me — to write — to contribute to the Keeping it Personal blog.  Since my last post, “I took a Break” I’ve been doing a lot of thinking…praying…connecting.  Through my networking and asking for feedback, here’s what I realized:

–> I’m only one voice {there needs to be more}

–> People like variety {I know I do}

–> Our audience is growing and diverse {we need to grow and offer diversity}

With that, I’m feeling led — I’ve been working hard to pull together “variety” and I’m thrilled to share with you that starting Monday, September 5th {Labor Day} WE are back!

From the East coast to the West Coast

From 20-somethings to 60-somethings

From empty nesters to newly-weds

From all walks of life…

Our desire is to encourage and inspire you, by keeping it personal.

We hope to connect you with us by sharing our experiences and our stories, and hope you’ll feel compelled to leave comments and fuel discussion so we can in turn connect and get to know you!  Take a stroll over here –> Meet Our Blog Contributors.

 ”Rest when you’re weary. Refresh and renew yourself, your body, your mind, your spirit. Then get back to work.” -R Marston

See you monday…

We arrived on Sunday, checked into the our hotel on the plaza, walked to Bo Lings, a popular local chinese restaurant, stuffed our faces, then stopped at Chaz on our way back, had coffee and a YUMMY chocolate peanut butter dessert and listened to a band play some cool tunes.

When I woke up on Monday, I had a free day to do what I wanted to do – YIPEE!!  I was determined to get outside and go for a run because the day was so beautiful.  As I was getting ready I realized that I had lost my ipod holder, the one that goes on my arm when I run, AND I didn’t have a jacket with pockets to hold my room key, a little cash and my cell phone just in case of an emergency.  So, I laced up my shoes and set out headed towards the plaza and about 2 hours later after going to several stores, I was FINALLY ready to run.  I got a dorky little fanny pack for my “stuff” and a case for my ipod.  As I started to run I thought to myself, “Had I just kept it simple, I would’ve been done by now and enjoying the day.”……oh well, off I went.

Jammin’ to my music I couldn’t help but notice the homeless people I passed by………one man under the bridge, the second man sitting on the bench who returned a smile, the third man sleeping on the bench snoring, and the fourth man flying a kite.  From a far, I thought he was holding a fishing pole but as I got closer I realized he was looking up.  Sure enough, up in the sky I saw his red, white, and blue kite.  It was a great day for flying a kite, just the right conditions.

Something inside of me prompted me to stop and talk to this man.  Partially because I wanted a break from my run, I was huffing and puffing, and partially because I was taken back to a “simple place” when I saw him flying the kite.  The simplicity of life when I was a child, the memories of me flying a kite.  Carefree.  Adventurous.  Free time.  This homeless man had a smile on his face and a name, it was Greg.  We had a really nice talk.  What a joyful man;  for someone who had nothing, he sure seemed full!  He inspired me.

He let me fly his kite.  As I was managing the kite he shared with my that this was his second kite.  His last kite ended up in the tree which he pointed out to me, it was still there.  He had to save his money to get this new one.  He loved the tail of his new kite.  I never got a close up look at the tail, but he assured me that he tied everything he owned (like socks, pieces of cloth, etc.) on the tail because he liked to watch it wave in the wind.  We must’ve chatted for about 20 minutes and before I put my ear buds back into my ears I thanked him for letting me fly his kite.  He in turn thanked me for taking the time to stop and talk with him, he said, “It’s not often when people stop to talk to me.”

One week later, I’m still thinking about Greg and his kite.  I’m reminded to keep it simple.  Embrace the little things in life that can create memories and bring joy.  I’m encouraged to just go for “the run” and not worry about the music, the fanny pack and all the stuff.  I’m encouraged to start eliminating distractions and pay attention to opportunities to just take a few minutes and talk to someone like Greg.  He appreciated me on Monday, and I appreciated him – I think my kids will appreciate him too when we are flying a kite for the first time this spring……..I’m going to share with them how I was inspired by Greg.