Child abuse or should I say the prevention of – is a passion of mine.

Picture this. You are at the grocery store, target, mall- some public place… when a child is acting out. You can see the anxiety of that parent rising. They may lash out at their child who is misbehaving, and maybe even in a way that concerns you. If you have ever been in that situation…

…what was your response?

Was it to stare, or maybe even give the ‘look’?  May I make a suggestion? Any of us who are parents should be able to relate to that situation. How many times have I been standing in line at Target when one of my kids throws a tantrum because I am NOT going to buy them that fancy container of liquid sugar in the check out isle?

They put it there for a reason people!

For parents who decide to give in to their tantruming kids just to get the onlookers off their backs! (I’m guilty!)

Think about what might have helped you in that situation.

A smile? Laughter? Recognition from someone that they have ‘been there‘?

In some circumstances, when you may be really concerned about the escalation of that parent’s behavior, and maybe even concerned for the safety of that child, what. would. you. do?

One recommendation may be to offer a distraction to take that parent out of the heated situation. Kindly interrupt and ask for directions. Compliment them on their clothing, hairstyle, whatever…. ask if they have seen a product. You get the idea. Something completely unrelated to the event, but because you are creating that interruption, it is giving both child and parent time to cool down.

On the other hand, if you are witnessing a violent act against a child, you have the responsibility to alert authorities. Children count on ‘the village‘, and if the village fails them when warning signs are there…

…what is left?

Unfortunately we live in a world where there is stress beyond measure. Many of us are feeling the pressures of our finances. For others it might be health issues, or lack of insurance, or a loved one who is deployed. We all have our triggers. I just ask that you, as a concerned citizen, take the responsibility to be the eyes and ears for our children. It really does take a village.

Anything you do to support kids and parents can help reduce the stress that often leads to abuse and neglect.  Here are some suggestion from preventchildabuse.org article:  What You Can Do: Reach Out PINWHEELS FOR PREVENTION ™ CAMPAIGN

1. Be a friend to a parent you know. Ask how their children are doing. Draw on your own experiences to provide reassurance and support. If a parent seems to be struggling, offer to baby-sit or run errands, or just lend a friendly ear. Show you understand.
2. Be a friend to a child you know. Remember their names. Smile when you talk with them. Ask them about their day at school. Send them a card in the mail. Show you care.
3. Talk to your neighbors about looking out for one another’s children. Encourage a supportive spirit among parents in your apartment building or on your block. Show that you are involved.
4. Give your used clothing, furniture and toys for use by another family. This can help relieve the stress of financial burdens that parents sometimes take out on their kids.
5. Volunteer your time and money for programs in your community that support children and families, like parent support groups or day care centers.

“It takes a village to raise a child.” -African Proverb

Flickr Photo Credit

I’m writing a series this year called Women of God: Harlots, Tricksters, Judges and Queens. It publishes on the first Thursday of each month. The series is about women in the Bible and what their stories teach us about our hope in the gospel.

The story of Tamar is a shocking story but not unlike stories that happen every day all over the world. Some of the people involved in these stories are Christian believers and yet God does not abandon them. This gives me great hope but there is a mystery to it that is puzzling.

Why is it hard to believe that God calls a prostitute righteous?

Tamar’s life is very similar to yours and mine. She marries into a family wants to bear children. She marries Er, the first born of Judah. Marrying the first-born is an honorable position and it has special privileges and rights. The law of levirate marriage says that if anything happens to her husband, one of his brothers is supposed to take her as his wife and produce heirs for his brother.

Er dies and his brother, Onan, the second son, is supposed to act as levir and produce heirs for Er. It seems that Onan doesn’t like the idea of his child being called the son of Er and receive all the wealth of Judah. Possibly he wants the inheritance of his father for himself as the next son in line. He insures that he doesn’t produce an heir with Tamar. You can read about it here, Genesis 38:8-10. The account qualifies for an R rating so I’ll leave the details for you to read on your own. For his disobedience as levir, he dies. Tamar is now twice widowed and has no son and heir.

What ought to happen next?

The next son is obligated to take Tamar and provide an heir for her. Judah is responsible to give his third son, Shelah as levir but he is reluctant. The law of levir is just as binding to Judah as a marriage contract is to us. Judah and Shelah are bound to provide Tamar with an heir who will receive all the wealth, property and Judah’s name when he passes away. Shelah is too young to marry at this point. Maybe Judah sees this as a way around his responsibility. At any rate he doesn’t help Tamar, he sends her back to her father’s house as a widow. It is clear Judah doesn’t plan to give his third son to her.

What’s going on in Judah’s mind when he shirks his obligations?

He’s probably thinking she’s cursed and he’s afraid he will lose his third son if he acts as levir. Instead of reflecting on his sons’ lives and seeing how their actions led to their deaths, or even reflecting on his own heart and that maybe he is the possible cause, he blames Tamar. Isn’t this what we saw about Eve in our last study?

What’s going on in Tamar’s mind when Judah rejects her?

Tamar has not been a bad wife or a difficult daughter-in-law. We are not shown in any way that she deserves this kind of treatment. When I put myself in Tamar’s place I feel cast away, rejected. I feel shame because in my culture everyone knows that I am supposed to be given an heir and instead, I’m sent away as a widow. The neighbors shun me because they understand what it all means. I’m sad too. I have to leave my home that I had decorated. I arranged the home to provide comfort to my family. I feel small. As the wife of the first-born I had position and respect. I’ve lost my status as the intended mother of the future head and heir of my household. I face an empty life as everyone around me surely suspects that Judah thinks I’m cursed. I’m angry and frustrated. My future is bleak. Who will want to marry a cursed woman?

“God, what am I supposed to do?” I cry.

Even in the midst of a heart waging war between her emotions and duty Tamar feels a sense of obligation toward her husband and a sense of duty toward God. Her response leads me to this opinion.

Tamar’s Response
Time passes and Judah’s wife dies. He isn’t a perfectly pure and upright man. He loves the ladies and Tamar knows this. As a Canaanite woman she knows what the shrine prostitutes wear so she dresses up like one and carefully, so that she is seen only by him, shows up at the right time and the right place. Judah is interested in her and wants to buy what she has to sell. Before she allows him to receive his wares Tamar cleverly asks him for a pledge of assurance for the sale. Judah must give her his seal, the cord on which the seal hung and his wooden staff wrapped in leather or she will not sell her goods. To read the story in detail, read Genesis 38:12-19.

The Trial
Three months later, Tamar begins to show. Judah is told that his daughter-in-law is pregnant and everyone concludes she is guilty of immorality. Judah’s response, “Bring her out and let her be burned.”

Picture a crowed, public place. Ugly names are being thrust at her. Fingers are wagging and people spit on her. I imagine Tamar willingly accompanying the men who escort her. Along the way she sends a message to Judah with the pledges he gave her.

In public, Judah cannot refute the pledges because a man’s seal and staff is personal and individualized; recognizable by others as belonging to him. He identifies the pledges and says, “She is more righteous than I.”

Judah understands the requirements God places on the family. He sees that Tamar is willing to follow God’s plan at all costs. He quickly makes a comparison between his actions and hers and calls her righteous. We are not asked by the Word of God to approve her deception, her disguise, or her actions as a prostitute. We are asked by the Word of God to honor her faithfulness and her readiness to fulfill her obligations, which is accounted to her as righteousness. She points us to our great need to believe God.

God’s Response
Our Savior, the Lion of Judah, is a descendent of Tamar, a woman who was faithful in her sense of responsibility to God’s law.

Even though Tamar is weak and sinful and makes choices that are far from ideal, God is faithful.

What about you? Can you relate to Tamar? I can.

What do you think about her story?

What do you think about God’s feelings for her, calling her righteous?

Her and I talk frequently about parenting, how to be better moms, how to deal/cope/handle the different personalities of our precious-little-nuggets — SO, of course the piece of paper looked to be something worth taking action on…praying specific Biblical virtues for our children.

Admittedly, I folded the piece of paper in half, tucked it into my Bible and didn’t look at it again…

…UNTIL a week ago.

You see, my same sweet friend that gave me that piece of paper, last week shared with me that she had dusted off her piece of paper and stated to talk with her 3 kids {ages 3-7}, every morning at breakfast, about these virtues.

She told me that some of the virtues they don’t really understand, but others they do — she also shared that she’s seeing fruit as a result of their daily discussions as they are interacting with others they come in contact with.

This encouraged me and fueled me to do something too!

SO…here’s what I’m up to –> Starting March 1st — I will unpack a “virtue” a day…sharing my reflection here, on this website {the 31 days in March}, and discuss the daily virtue with my two little nuggets.

Do you want to JOIN me?

There is…P O W E R…in prayer.

Let’s pray these Biblical virtues, these scriptures, into the lives of our nuggets.  If it’s appropriate and doable, lets create awareness in our children’s lives by talking with them openly about these virtues.

I had my amazingly talented graphic designer Sue create this picture for us to make it easy to follow along…

Whether your children are young or old, whether you’re expecting or hope to be expecting, whether the children in your life are biologically yours, adopted, step, or they are just precious to you — you can join in and pray for them!!

Are YOU IN?

Will YOU journey with me and watch how God shows up as we seek Him and believe in Him for our children?

IF so, let me know by leaving a comment below.  And, if you haven’t already joined the Keeping it Personal Daily KIP e-mail list, go HERE  and sign up — my daily virtue reflection will be emailed to you.

“Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.” – Chuck Swindoll

For a FREE printable version of this graphic go here
On Pinterest? Follow the board created here — and “pin” this page! =)

* These 31 virtues were written by Bob Hostetler and published by NavPress to learn more about the author go to his website, follow him on twitter, or connect with him on facebook.  They also offer prayer cards to purchase, you can find them here.

VERY. Exciting. Stuff.

These plans left me at home with our son, Owen who is almost 9. Some might think we got the short end of the stick. BUT, you know what? This weekend — just the two of us…

…has been priceless.

In fact, even before Doug and Gracie left, Owen came down with his backpack filled with clothes. He announces, “Mom, is it okay if I move into your room for the weekend?” Soooo cute! And, yes… he has pretty much moved in.

We have been busy watching movies, and Funniest Home Videos, and eating popcorn, and swimming, and throwing the football, and putting the Clay Matthews fathead he got for Christmas up on his bedroom wall….

There were no interruptions, we talked, listened, laughed, and spent time together. I have even let the housework slide!

I am reminded how important it is to be intentional about spending time with our kids. They both have such different personalities, and needs, and we react to them differently as a result. To have a few days focusing on each one individually has really been a gift- both to Doug and I, and to our kids.

To be intentional, and present, not distracted by other duties, people, or obligations. I gave myself permission to go on vacation this weekend, and have loved every minute of it!

“Kids spell love T-I-M-E.” – John Crudele

HALT = Hungry — Angry — Lonely — Tired

When I am feeling irritable, as I do right now, I think of the above analogy a friend shared with me.  When even one of these feelings is out-of-balance…

…I feel vulnerable.

Balance is difficult, especially for me right now; as a single mom of three, the weight of managing a household, and building a new career as a life and business development coach.

Today I find myself tired. I have over extended myself again. I find myself paying for fun versus enJOYing the fun. I am struggling with what to say no to so that when I say yes I can enjoy the moment without regretting it later. When my days are so busy pleasing others I lose sight of God as my Source, my Provider, my Journey Maker.

When I am tired it is hard to take care of hunger, I get angry easily and then feel lonely. This is a vicious cycle because the cause and effect of each of these feelings causes the others to become out of balance.

How do I find balance? One moment at a time, with a deep breath, and with awareness that the journey is not about my agenda but about God’s plan and purpose for me.

May I look for JOY in God’s plan and purpose in this journey.  May I remember….

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

Hungry: feed myself daily with food, faith, family, friends and fun
Angry: take a deep breath in with God and out with Susanne
Lonely: look into my heart to let go of the things I cannot control and turn it over to God
Tired: sleep, exercise, and let my mind and body rest as needed

Acceptance is the tool that I am focusing on. Accepting the things I cannot change, changing the things that I can, and enjoying the journey that God is lighting my path with just enough.

I met this little guy on a walk one fall morning. I guess you could say we didn’t formally meet. He was DOA…

…dead on arrival.

Before I found him on my path, I had been asking God some hard questions. I sat on the fence of indecision in many different ways. I felt confusion, uncertainty, and doubt blanket my mind as I climbed up the steep hills of our neighborhood. I felt crowded out of my own life, trapped by financial stress, health problems, and pressure to succeed in general. My career seemed uncertain. To say our finances were “tight” would have been the understatement of the year. To add insult to injury, after two months of really good health, I nose-dived for no apparent reason.

Then, there he lay. I realized how much we had in common…

…me and Mr. Squirrel.

The product of his indecision probably culminated in the rumble of a noise he couldn’t decipher (the engine of a car or truck careening his way) and ended with a big, rubber tire. The product of mine was playing out in an eerily similar fashion. A lack of peace about my future, fear concerning a huge business risk I had taken, and doubt that my health would ever be restored. I didn’t want to be like this squirrel; crushed by confusion.

The only thing I held onto was the promise that God knew the road ahead. How was I able to forget God’s truth so quickly? I was so easily tossed about by the waves of circumstance and I was mad about it! I was angry at myself for not being stronger. I was “Towanda” mad at my inner-squirrel. The squirrel within me that couldn’t make up his mind which direction to go, how to flee to safety, or how to steer clear of the big, rubber tire!

As I neared the end of my walk, I realized that I was letting Satan cruelly manipulate my emotions. I had lived for months worrying about my tomorrow. I had lived for weeks letting my feelings govern my days and nights. I felt God prompting me to cast off the old me, my flesh, and to walk like the new creature He created me to be. I thought of the squirrel and realized that God’s children don’t have to live this way for we are more than conquerors.

What about you? Are you frantic? Frazzled? Uncertain about your future? Take heart, God can see the road ahead and overwhelming victory is ours through Christ Jesus.

“No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.” Romans 8:37 NLT

“For fast-acting relief try slowing down” – Lily Tomlin

We can GO. GO. GO. with out stopping to take a breath because life is full of expectations.  From ourselves and others to DO. DO. DO.

Life happens.  From one day to the next.

Life goes on.  Even after hiccups, set-backs, and losses.

Life begins with today – yesterday is a memory, tomorrow doesn’t matter  – we. have. TODAY.

Enjoy TODAY…

…can you?  will you?

God gifts us 1,440 precious minutes each day, does it ever feel like enough?

We have a choice how we manage these gifts, these minutes.  How many do we sleep?  Enjoy eating?  Work, play?  Spend connecting with others, spend with loved ones?  How many do we set aside for ourselves?  How many do we give back to spend time with God, our creator?

We have TODAY…the “present” — the moment IS. A. PRESENT {gift} — L I V I N G in the moment is a very challenging way to think, to feel. We are tugged in so many directions by children, bosses, teachers, co-workers, friends, neighbors, and society.

The gift of someone’s presence is amazing to receive AND…

…amazing to give.

Have you experienced the feeling of someone’s presence?  Without the distractions of being on the phone, watching tv, playing a video game, being in a hurry to be somewhere else?

I have.  I’ve experienced someone giving me the gift of being “present” with me.  Undivided attention, focus, INTENTIONAL.  It felt great.  I want to give that FREE gift to others — be present.  My desire is to SLOW DOWN and BE with my kids, my family, my friends, AND my God.  God is present all the time; He is my provider. Keeping my focus on HIM gives me strength, hope and JOY.

This is the day the LORD has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalms 118:24

Photo Credit: nerdboy

(If you received this post via email, be sure to click here to watch the video.)

Why?

What is the inspiration behind what you do…in all. areas. of. your. life?

Do you know?

Some set goals for the new year, some wrote resolutions, some chose a One Word {that’s what I do} others simply reflect and/or don’t about the new year — whatever you chose to do, the question I’m asking is what is the why behind how you …

“live” — “work” — “parent” — “relationship“

…do you know?

As I was looking ahead to the new year, I started to ask myself that question.  I peeled back the layers and identified that part of my why is to simply…

Be A Light.

My desire is to be a light into the world in which I have the opportunity to live.  In the lives of my children, my marriage, in relationships both personally and professionally, to strangers.

Taking that a step further, as I journey to discover truth, embrace love, and experience joy in my personal life — I see that’s the deeper part of my why.

I am passionate about inspiring others to find what inspires them by discovering their own truth, to fall in love with who they are, and to discover joy in their life.  Professionally I do this with my clients through life-coaching, The Ultimate Journey course, speaking, the book I wrote, and The Refine Conference.

Clearly defining my why — and wrapping my arms around it has been exciting and fuels me to press on!

So, friends, I ask YOU — what is it for you?

What is your why?

If you know, I would LOVE for you to share it with me.  If you don’t, I challenge you to explore and discover what it is.

Then…for 2012 — lets lead with our why…may it be the inspiration behind all that we do and how we live.

Photo Credit: Amy Alldis

What if, you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday?

OUCH!!

I stumbled across this message the other day and it stopped. me. in. my. tracks.

Why?  Because I had been having a pity-party.  It wasn’t fun. really, it was NOT.  There was no one at my “party” it was just me and my miserable self.

When I read these words, I thought…

…today I would have nothing.

And, that was not ok with me.  I needed to shift my thinking and take the advice that I so frequently give to others. {practice what I “preach” — walk the walk}

Write a gratitude list — NOW!

So I did, with the message in mind, “…what IF I ONLY had the things that I thanked God for.” — what are those things that I would so desperately want, miss, desire — what am I truly grateful for?

Thank YOU God for…

1. your grace, mercy, forgiveness, and for Your unconditional love for me
2. my health and a sound mind — for the strength that you give me everyday
3. my husband, his strength, provision, leadership, his health, our marriage, his hugs and kisses, the way he loves me
4. my children, their health, smiles, unique gifts and personalities, their hugs and kisses
5. always giving me and my family enough to make it through each day – food, shelter, clothing, love
6. my family, their love and support, their prayers
7. my friendships, the encouragement from others, positive healthy relationships
8. healing and restoration — in relationships, emotionally, physically, spiritually
9. opportunities to share the message you’ve place in my heart, to sow seeds, impact the lives of others, to shine Your light, the freedom to share
10. technology — for providing us ways to learn and grow, to connect, to simplify

…my pity-party ended as I made my list.

Tomorrow starts a New Year, a new beginning.  What’s on your gratitude list?  What are those things that you want to wake up with tomorrow; to carry into 2012?

Write a gratitude list — NOW!

Recently my husband and I got the gift of a lifetime…

…ONE whole weekend without our kids.

For some of you that may not sound like much, but for us, it was a miracle. We have no family who live close in our area, so these types of weekends are few and far between.

As a matter of fact, my youngest, who is 3, had never spent one night away from us until that weekend. We also realized that it had been nearly 5 years since we’ve been alone for even an evening. It was about time don’t you think?

We were able to just have quietness in our house, an uninterrupted meal, and {my favorite} an uninterrupted thought!

We got a glimpse of who we were before we had children. Remembering what it was like to be alone with each other. And do you know what I discovered? I discovered a boyfriend!

You know what I mean, the person who would go into a shop with you just to look, and act interested in the gadgets you look at just because YOU are interested in them. I also discovered myself as a girlfriend again. Not just mom, or businesswoman, or wife, but…

…a girl in love with a boy.

Our everyday reality is bombarded by the immediate, the necessary, and the urgent so much that we rarely get to have these moments to just be together, take a walk, or slowly browse a store.

How easy it could be to allow that to taint who we believe we are married to. How easy it would be for my husband to believe that he is just married to the overworked, sleep deprived mom.  Rather than…

…the girl still in love with the boy.

It is a season in our life for us right now, but that’s just it… it’s only a season. I promised to stand by this man forever, and I choose to do so even when I find it hard to see the boyfriend in the midst of the busyness, and chaos.

How easy it would be for the enemy of our soul to come between us and convince us to look for that carefree relationship we once enjoyed in another person. Or even to blame the other for not being who we think they should be.

God didn’t put us together so that we could forever enjoy a carefree, fully satisfied relationship. That is reserved for our relationship with Christ alone. Relationships are a hard, refining process that we are smart to be trained by.

The enemy of our soul would like nothing more than to destroy our marriages and convince us we are missing something that we deserve. And he is right!  The truth really is that we are meant for another relationship that is to satisfy our soul.

But that has nothing to do with another person. We are meant to seek Christ. We are meant to long for that satisfaction that can only come from God. He is the only one who can fully satisfy. He is the only one who will fully complete us. And I’ll be honest; I can’t wait for that day.

How about you?

Photo Credit: BestPix Photography