Compare

February 10, 2010

comparing-apples-and-orangesWhy do I do this, COMPARE?  I haven’t written a “long” blog for a couple of weeks now BUT I know that this is what I need to write about.  I know that God is teaching me something here and I thought maybe, just maybe, others could relate to what I’m experiencing.

The last couple of weeks have been emotionally draining for me, WHY? Because of THIS whole comparing thing – UGH!  It’s sticking out like a sore thumb in my life.  Here’s what I’m realizing……….for me, comparing brings feelings of inadequacy, depression, anxiety, fear, and self-pity.  Aren’t these just lovely feelings?!?!?!?  LOL – yuck!

The crazy part is that what I find myself continuing to try to “stack up against” are conditions of the heart, circumstances, and experiences – NOT material possessions.  I know this is getting a little deep, but bare with me as show you where I’m going with this………

Mom.  I should volunteer more compared to some of the other moms at the school.  It seems that other moms are more creative and crafty, scrap-booking, and doing little projects with their kids, I compare myself with other moms wishing I was more creative that way.  I should dress my kids cuter compared to how some of the other moms dress their kids, I wish I liked to shop like other moms.  Other kids are involved with more activities than mine so I compare myself – should I sign the boys up to do more?  Are they not experiencing enough at this age?

Wife.  I wish I was a better cook and more domestic comparing myself to other wives.  Why don’t I enjoy cooking and decorating my home?  I wish I was more like other wives who planned meals and knew how to make their homes feel more “homey” – I compare myself, should I be more domestic?

Friends.  I find myself looking at others’ circle of friends and thinking, I want that!  I compare my life with theirs and wish I was invited more often to social events, parties, concerts, dinners.  They seem to be having so much fun and doing great things – I want that too!  Why don’t I get invitations? I compare myself and ask myself these questions: Is there something wrong with me? Am I not good enough?  Do others not enjoy being with me?

Me.  I’m not passionate enough about what I’m doing compared to others.  My thighs are bigger compared to that girls.  I can’t do my hair well compared to that person’s hair, I wish I knew how to style my hair better.  I’ve got no style with my clothes compared to others, I wish I could put together outfits like her.  That woman is smarter compared to me – I wish I knew it like she did.

Do you ever find yourself thinking some of those thoughts?  Do you ever compare yourself, experiences, situations, to others and feel similar feelings like I do?  Inadequacy, depression, anxiety, fear, and self-pity?

I could list many more “comparing thoughts” that race through my mind from time to time.  And after sharing this with a couple of friends, I’ve found that I’m not alone.  Is this human nature?  Maybe it is, but I’m starting to change my focus…….start shining the light on what God has given ME!  Appreciate the gifts and talents in others, but focus on the strengths that I’ve been blessed with.  I was reminded the other day of the story in the Bible about the 3 servants who were given talents.  One was given 5, one 2, and the other 1.  I NEVER want to be like the servant who was given 1 talent, what did he do?  Out of fear, he did nothing – he was comparing himself and as a result paralyzed.

I am so grateful that my eyes have been opened to this area in my life that needs work.  I’m burnt out of the feelings that come with “comparison”.  I will do my best to keep shining the light on my talents and learn to appreciate the uniqueness and gifts that I see in others instead of comparing and wishing I am something that I’m not.

By teri | Posted in God, appreciate, bless, change, experience, gift, teri | Tagged , , , , , , , | Comments (3)

February 2, 2010

Daily KIP: Always do your best – Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret. ~Agreement 4 don miguel ruiz

By admin | Posted in Daily KIP, change, simple | Tagged , , , , | Comments (0)

Do you know your breasts?

January 31, 2010

rib4My husband called me last week to inform me that one of our very good friends has been diagnosed with breast cancer. She is my age, also a nurse (ironically, she works in a breast cancer center), and is also the mother to 2 beautiful children. She is one of the kindest, most beautiful woman I know. Too close to home. She will be having surgery tomorrow, and shortly thereafter beginning a course of chemotherapy. I’m afraid her story is not unlike many other women who each and every day are handed this diagnosis. In fact, according to the CDC,  In 2005 (the most recent year numbers are available)—

186,467 women and 1,764 men were diagnosed with breast cancer.

Fortunately, it appears as though she caught the tumor in its very early stages due to a self breast exam. In fact, the mamogram they did following her detection did NOT even pick up the tumor. It wasn’t until they did an MRI that they were able to see this growth. Please take this as a reminder that nothing can replace our own self breast exams. I have heard it a million times. But until now, until it has affected someone so close to me, I was pretty lazy about it. Don’t make that mistake. I am just thankful that my friend was so diliigent.

The American Cancer Society provides instructions on their website on How to Perform a Breast Self-Exam, click here.  There is much more information on their website: www.cancer.org

By leah | Posted in beautiful, change, children | Tagged , , , , , | Comments (0)

Does it put a smile on His face?

January 27, 2010

images-3I learn so much from my boys.  Being a mother has taught me so much about life and even more about myself.  Here’s a little glimpse into some things that I’m learning:  How to be more patient, I’m not the only one that can do it, I need to be patient as others are learning.  Understanding the feelings that surround unconditional love – nothing that my boys do will keep me from loving them.  Forgiveness is for everyone, even me.  Give, Give, Give, but don’t lose yourself in the process.  Selfishness is something that we are born with, that’s what I think anyway ~ the journey of our life experiences allows us to start seeing the needs of others.

A couple of months ago, I overheard my boys talking.  Zane said to Zach, “Zach, would that put a smile on His face?”  I can’t remember now exactly what they were doing or talking about, but I tuned in and thought to myself, this is interesting, WHO is Zane talking about?  Then I heard Zach respond, “Probably not.”  I couldn’t help to ask, “Zane, would it put a smile on who’s face?”  He said, “God’s face, mom.”  I took a step back and thought, ok – you’re 7 – I’ve never said that before, where did you learn that?  I asked them.  They said at the same time “school”.  YES!!  They are learning at school – YIPEE!!

This is the first year that our boys have gone to a private Christian school – each day they start their day with a short chapel service.  They sing songs – put on the full armor of God – receive a biblical lesson through other classmates or a teacher – pray and then start their day.  I LOVE it!!  I frequently go to chapel with them on Thursday mornings and each time I leave there I feel overwhelmed with God’s blessings.

Does it put a smile on God’s face?  I love that question.  After I overheard my boys talking about it – I decided, hey, that is for ME!  That question is one I need to ask myself frequently in EVERY area of my life.  So, that’s what I’ve started doing.  I know it sounds silly and very elementary, but I’m doing it!!

By asking myself this question, I’m seeing things differently.  I’m thinking before I speak.  My thoughts are more pure.  The actions that I take have meaning – my desire is to put a smile on God’s face!!

I was amazed by the response I got from a friend the other day when I actually spoke this to her through a text message, I know it sounds strange, speaking through a text, but let me share with you what happened.  I received a text from a friend basically inviting me into gossip.  Her text went something like this……..i ran in2 “jane” she said that “jan” had become a stuck up snot, blah, blah, blah………….My response was this………..what ive heard or any thoughts that I have regarding “jan” would not put a smile on God’s face so I will refrain from that conversation :-) ……..then I changed the subject in the remainder of my text.  The next day when we actually spoke on the phone, she told me that she respected my response and it made her actually think about what she was thinking or saying.

I’m NOT telling this story to pat myself on the back, or put myself on a pedestal ~ BELIEVE ME I know that I screw up all the time and have a lot to work on in my life.  I simply wanted to share the concept.  Who in this life are we aiming to please?  Are we putting a smile on God’s face?  Consider asking the question………

By teri | Posted in action, bless, change, experience, forgive, journey of life, mother, smile, teri | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments (0)

Email Forward

January 16, 2010

images-1I am not a big ‘forward’ person when it comes to emails. In fact, I have to admit am guilty of ignoring an occasional forward. This one sat in my inbox for a few days before I finally got around to opening it. I loved it!  I’ve given thought to how I want to live my life as of late, changes I’d like to make- and many of these simple daily suggestions seemed obvious yet a welcome reminder. You know, one of those lists worth printing and hanging on my bathroom mirror. I thought I would pass them along, in hopes to hold myself accountable to them. Maybe one of you will be inspired to simplify your lives by following some or all of these words of wisdom. Many of them remind me of a daily KIP! Let me know what you think.

(By the way, I would site them, but don’t know where this email originated. I’ve also taken the liberty to edit slightly.)

1.  Pray.

2.  Go to bed on time.

3.  Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.

4.  Say No to projects that won’t fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.

5.  Delegate tasks to capable others. (Including husband and children!)

6.  Simplify and unclutter your life.

7.  Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)

8.  Allow extra time to do things and to get to places. (This reminds me of my Grandpa Johnson, RIP!)

9.  Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don’t lump the hard things all together.

10.  Separate worries from concerns . If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety . If you can’t do anything about a situation, forget it.

11.  Live within your budget; don’t use credit cards for ordinary purchases.

12.  Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.

13.  K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.

14.  Do something for the Kid in You everyday.

15.  Eat right.

16.  Get organized so everything has its place.

17.  Write down thoughts and inspirations.

18.  Every day, find time to be alone.. REPEAT…every day, FIND time to be alone..

19.  Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don’t wait until it’s time to go to bed to try and pray.

20.  Laugh.

21.  Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all.

22.  Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can).

23.  Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).

24.  Sit on your ego.

25.  Talk less; listen more.

26.  Slow down.

By leah | Posted in God, attitude, change, children, forgive, leah, prayer, simple | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Comments (0)

January 9, 2010

Daily KIP: What are your EXPECTATIONS of others in your life? Think about the different areas: spouse, friendships, parenting, work, etc. ~ Are they realistic? If they are, and they are not being met, what changes can you make within yourself to get different results?

By admin | Posted in Daily KIP, change, friendship, parent | Tagged , , , , | Comments (0)

Dry Well

January 5, 2010

frontimg-main_FullWhat is a dry well?  Simply put its a well that is dry, one that doesn’t produce any water.  A dry well would be one that no one returns to to quench their thirst and in most cases it would be capped of, abandoned and forgotten.  BUT they are most often always still there.

Getting water from a well is NOT an easy task, it a takes a lot of work.  I’m not talking about the modern day technology that’s used by cities which connect wells to the city water system that we get to our faucets, not that kind of well.  I’m talking about the old wells.  You know, the one where the bucket is hanging there – you have to manually turn the crank down to the bottom, scoop up the water in the bucket and then crank the bucket up…….that’s the kind of well that I have in my mind.  That’s A LOT of work to get one bucket of water!!

IF you were to make the effort to go to the well, the old fashioned kind – put the bucket on the hook, crank it ALL the way down to the bottom and then crank it back up ONLY to find it empty, would your need be met?  Would you be able to quench your thirst? or use the water to wash your clothes? bathe yourself or your child?  NO!!  You would walk away potentially feeling sad, defeated, lonely, frustrated, thirsty, dirty, afraid.

Knowing that the well was dried up, would you go back to get more water?  Maybe,  right?  Maybe it just happened to be dry that day, maybe tomorrow would be different, maybe because it rained or something like that, there would be water.  So, the next day you go to the SAME well, drop the SAME bucket ONLY to find that – OH MY the well IS still dry!  Shoot, once again your needs are not met and you walk away with the same feelings you had the day before…….sad, defeated, lonely, frustrated, thirsty, dirty, afraid.

This could go on for days – hoping to get different results.  Until finally the decision is made to accept the reality that the well is dry, it will no longer meet the needs that it once did.  You let it go. You find another well to meet your needs.  BUT it’s VERY difficult and it can take a lot of time!!

Over the past couple of years I’ve asked myself why in the world am I continually drawn to “dry wells”?  NOW I’m talking about people and relationships.  I make the connection between the two because some of the relationships that I’ve had OR have are like dry wells……….they do not quench my thirst.  I continue to go to the people/relationship thinking the next time will be different, but it’s not.  I leave sad, defeated, some times insecure, judged, frustrated, empty.

I’ve come to the realization that we indeed are creatures of habit AND change is NOT easy!!  What have I done?  I’ve taken the path of least resistance in some cases and continue to get the same results.  YUK – that’s painful!!

Yesterday my friend shared with me this analogy.  She said, “Sometimes we have to set aside or walk away from the unhealthy to make room in our lives for God to bring healthy.”

Oooooohhhhh!  We liked this, but we both decided that it’s a very difficult task!  It’s true, but hard because we want so bad for the “well” aka. relationship/person NOT to be dry!  Plus, it’s easy to just NOT work on de-cluttering and be status quo, even though it’s unhealthy and painful.  DOUBLE PLUS, if we let go of that, even though it’s unhealthy – WHAT do we replace it with in the meantime?  Do we trust God to bring us healthy?

The one thing to keep in mind is like a  dried up well, they are most often ALWAYS still there.  As we make the decision to accept, set aside the unhealthy to make room for the healthy – it doesn’t mean we need to destroy or eliminate – we just don’t need to go there anymore.  We need to set boundaries and make room for God to bring us healthy.

How many dry wells are you going to?

By teri | Posted in God, accepted, change, connect, conversation, decide, friendship, growth, relationship, sharing, simple, strong, teri, understanding | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comment (1)

January 2, 2010

Daily KIP: Look inward, concentrate on what needs to be changed in yourself and your own attitude instead of what others need to change.

By admin | Posted in Daily KIP, attitude, change | Tagged , , | Comments (0)

1st Class Connection

December 25, 2009
On Sunday I got to the airport to catch an evening flight to Ft. Myers, FL.  To my surprise when I checked in, thanks to upgrades, I was seated in 1st Class!  I LOVE it when that happens.  So here were my thoughts……it’s been a LONG week, I haven’t been feeling well AT ALL and I can’t wait to board the airplane, get a pillow and a blanket and sleep for about 3 hours – YES, I need sleep!!

Little did I know that God had other plans for me.  As I got settled into my seat I casually started talking to the guy sitting next to me.  Small talk, “How’s it going?”, “So thankful for the upgrade.”, “Are you from Florida, or just visiting?” Our small talked turned into a 3 hour conversation and NO sleep, but it was worth it!

After about 45 minutes of talking I finally learned that the guy I was talking to had a name, it was Tom.    We shook hands after we formally introduced ourselves to each other and continued talking.  As we talked I learned that Tom was in the financial services industry.  He was heading to Florida looking to potentially purchase another company to grow his company.

I also learned that he was in the process of writing a book.  Boy did I have LOTS of questions about his book project.  I too have a dream of writing a book someday.  His message as he described it to me that he’s writing about in his book was similar to my vision with Keeping it Personal, except with a business angel, how cool is that!!  I was so intrigued by what he was saying and the wisdom that he had with his many years of experience, I can’t WAIT to pick up his book when he’s finished.

Another topic that we covered during the flight was simplifying and living a life of balance; both seem to be so difficult to accomplish at times with everything going on in this world.  One thing that I learned from him and REALLY liked and will incorporate into my life is this.  He said that many times each day he asks himself this……

ADD — KEEP — GET RID OF

Ok, so how does that work?, I asked.  First he explained, you have to determine what’s important to you and what is it that you need and desire to KEEP.  THEN as life happens and we are faced to ADD things into our world, whether it’s a material possession or something that will take a time commitment or something in business to expand or grow – how will that effect your KEEP?  As we determine how our KEEP is effected, what, if anything do we need to GET RID OF in order to ADD?

I know it’s a little complicated so let me give you an example on how I relate this to my life.  My husband and I have made a decision that 2010 is our year to simplify – we aren’t going to TRY to do this we ARE doing this and ARE making changes as we do our year end planning and 2010 planning.

As we make our KEEP list we’ve determined that there are many things that we currently have that we are going to sell or eliminate in our lives in order to have more time and resources…….so our list of GET RID OF is growing and we will work towards that goal in the coming months.  The ADD hits us daily.  We are constantly being approached by others to invest in new “ventures” which take resources that we want to KEEP, so we will have to pay very close attention to this and be sure to go through this exercise – sometimes we can get caught up with a “great opportunity” act too fast and before we know it get completely out of balance because it’s effecting our KEEP and we don’t want to GET RID OF what we wanted to KEEP so as we look back we probably should not have ADDED in the first place.

I am grateful for the connection I made on Sunday and for what I learned from Tom, he inspired me in many ways.  I truly believe it will be life changing…….it’s a simple way for me to look at the way I do life.

I wanted to post this on Christmas as I know that for many this is the time of year that we ADD to our lives with Christmas gifts from others.  As you wrap up 2009 and bring on 2010, consider Tom’s statement.  ADD — KEEP — GET RID OF.  Is there imbalance in your world?  What can you do to simplify or what adjustments do you feel need to be made?

Wishing you Peace and Joy and a Merry Christmas!

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By teri | Posted in action, christmas, control, decide, desire, gratitude, inspire, lesson, personal, talk, teri, thoughts | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments (0)

B.A.B.E

December 22, 2009
I was NOT feeling well yesterday, the sinus infection or whatever it is that I have right now kept me in bed all day – ugh!!  It took everything I had to get up, get ready and get going to the Christmas concert at our friend’s church.
It took us about an hour to get Hope Presbyterian Church in Ft. Myers – thanks to Google maps on my blackberry, we didn’t get lost! Our friend Bill is the pastor of this church and his wife Andrea Stephens is the author of sixteen books for teens and founder of The B.A.B.E. Seminar Series for teen girls.  The Christmas concert was put on to raise money to support B.A.B.E.
In concert was Ayiesha Woods and her brother Don – they were amazing!!  They did such a wonderful job; delivered a GREAT message focusing on traditions and the real meaning of Christmas.  WOW, I’m soooooo glad we went – what a blessing!
Beautiful. Accepted. Blessed. Eternally Significant.  That’s what B.A.B.E. stands for.  This is the message that Andrea is bringing to teen girls across the country through her ministry – How WONDERFUL!!
I’ve always had compassion in my heart for teen girls, maybe it’s because I get it – I’ve been there. It’s tough growing up, all the drama, boys, friendships, self-esteem, wanting to fit in and then to top it off dealing with all the pressures that society puts on us.  MAN – that’s A LOT of JUNK!!
While I was at the concert I got to thinking about what the B.A.B.E. message means to me.  I couldn’t help to think that while this is a GREAT message to share with teens that there are older women (and men) everywhere who don’t feel B.A.B.E. – this is a message for EVERY generation!!  I personally struggle at times with acceptance, not feeling beautiful and wonder what my purpose is – and I know others do too!
One thing that Andrea shares is that we were born ON purpose FOR a purpose.  We are ALL Beautiful. Accepted. Blessed. Eternally Significant. and matter to God who created us.
How do you feel?  What does this message mean to you?  If we strive to feel like B.A.B.E.S think of how life changing that could be to ourselves and others around us.

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By teri | Posted in God, accepted, beautiful, bless, journey of life, role model, teens, teri, women | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Comments (0)