Child abuse or should I say the prevention of – is a passion of mine.

Picture this. You are at the grocery store, target, mall- some public place… when a child is acting out. You can see the anxiety of that parent rising. They may lash out at their child who is misbehaving, and maybe even in a way that concerns you. If you have ever been in that situation…

…what was your response?

Was it to stare, or maybe even give the ‘look’?  May I make a suggestion? Any of us who are parents should be able to relate to that situation. How many times have I been standing in line at Target when one of my kids throws a tantrum because I am NOT going to buy them that fancy container of liquid sugar in the check out isle?

They put it there for a reason people!

For parents who decide to give in to their tantruming kids just to get the onlookers off their backs! (I’m guilty!)

Think about what might have helped you in that situation.

A smile? Laughter? Recognition from someone that they have ‘been there‘?

In some circumstances, when you may be really concerned about the escalation of that parent’s behavior, and maybe even concerned for the safety of that child, what. would. you. do?

One recommendation may be to offer a distraction to take that parent out of the heated situation. Kindly interrupt and ask for directions. Compliment them on their clothing, hairstyle, whatever…. ask if they have seen a product. You get the idea. Something completely unrelated to the event, but because you are creating that interruption, it is giving both child and parent time to cool down.

On the other hand, if you are witnessing a violent act against a child, you have the responsibility to alert authorities. Children count on ‘the village‘, and if the village fails them when warning signs are there…

…what is left?

Unfortunately we live in a world where there is stress beyond measure. Many of us are feeling the pressures of our finances. For others it might be health issues, or lack of insurance, or a loved one who is deployed. We all have our triggers. I just ask that you, as a concerned citizen, take the responsibility to be the eyes and ears for our children. It really does take a village.

Anything you do to support kids and parents can help reduce the stress that often leads to abuse and neglect.  Here are some suggestion from preventchildabuse.org article:  What You Can Do: Reach Out PINWHEELS FOR PREVENTION ™ CAMPAIGN

1. Be a friend to a parent you know. Ask how their children are doing. Draw on your own experiences to provide reassurance and support. If a parent seems to be struggling, offer to baby-sit or run errands, or just lend a friendly ear. Show you understand.
2. Be a friend to a child you know. Remember their names. Smile when you talk with them. Ask them about their day at school. Send them a card in the mail. Show you care.
3. Talk to your neighbors about looking out for one another’s children. Encourage a supportive spirit among parents in your apartment building or on your block. Show that you are involved.
4. Give your used clothing, furniture and toys for use by another family. This can help relieve the stress of financial burdens that parents sometimes take out on their kids.
5. Volunteer your time and money for programs in your community that support children and families, like parent support groups or day care centers.

“It takes a village to raise a child.” -African Proverb

Flickr Photo Credit

Unfortunately, you can’t find a mentor on Amazon or Google. That would be too easy and mentoring is not easy. I have had good experiences with mentoring and less fulfilling experiences with mentoring. My best experiences with mentoring have come from people I already knew well, but were a few life-stage steps ahead of me. These were rich times where I could ask tough questions and they could give me real answers. Trust had already been established.

So, my first recommendation for finding a mentor, that I have not seen anywhere else, is this: Find someone you know and trust.

I have found that anytime I have signed up for or inquired about acquiring a mentor through a formal process, there seems to be a rule that there should be at least a 40 year gap in the ages of the two people thrown together. There is often an underlying assumption that you cannot mentor someone unless they are much younger. I do not think this is necessarily true. Don’t get me wrong, I love older generations of people and believe there is much wisdom to be gleaned from intergenerational friendships, however, just because someone is older it doesn’t make them a good mentor and just because someone is younger, it doesn’t make them a bad mentor.

This brings me to my second recommendation: Look for maturity, not just chronological age.

There also seems to be a common idea that a mentor is someone who tells me everything I need to know to get to the next step along the way; a human faucet pouring information into you the sponge. This is a misconception. There is plenty of time for the conveyance of knowledge in a mentoring relationship, but if that is all it is, it is just a consultation. Mentoring is relationship, and relationships are two-sided. You can learn and grow just as much as a Mentor as the one who is being mentored.

So, remember this: Mentoring is a two way street.

“Anyone who receives instruction in the word must share all good things with his instructor.” Galatians 6:6

Sometimes, what we really need is not a formal mentoring or discipleship program, but rather simple genuine friendship where we allow each other to ask hard questions and sometimes not know the answers. Sometimes, I just need someone to walk with me up the hard steep hill of life. How about you?

“Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend.”  Albert Camus

 Photo Credit:  BettinaSchwarz

L O V E <— how are you doing with this in your life…loving?

Each week in February I’m going to talk about…

L O V E

I know it’s a little “cliche”  to be talking about this in the month of February, but stick with me as I unpack the most commonly sited scripture verse in weddings…

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

This week I challenge you to think about verse 4: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

Are you patient?  Are you kind?  Are you envious? boastful? proud?

Looking in the mirror I know there is work that needs to be done in my life…

Patience?  This “fruit-of-the-spirit” –long-suffering– isn’t always present.

Kind?  There are times I say things to people I “love” that are NOT kind.  Most often it’s my words that are not kind {sometimes, the look on my face, or rolling my eyes can reveal this too!}

Envious?  This is one area of my life, thankfully, that I’m genuinely doing good at.  I am authentically happy and excited for others.  I rejoice with others in their successes and want the best for all.

Boastful?  Reflecting on this one…my desire is to share life with others, celebrate victories and exciting life happenings — not to brag, be arrogant, snotty, or egotistical.

Proud?  I bring this one to God in prayer often.  My desire is it to be humble, but I am aware that pride can sneak in when we least expect it.  I know that I. am. nothing. without God and everything with Him and because. of. Him.

That’s my honest look in the mirror as I reflect upon what L O V E is…

What does this look like in YOUR life?

Photo Credit:   Freeman Mester

I’m overwhelmed — I don’t hear you.

“I cry to you, O God, but you don’t answer. I stand before you, but you don’t even look.” Job 30:20

I ask you to lead me, guide me, show me…what is my next step? You brought me here, to this place. Now what? Why are You silent? Why do I feel that You’re gone, when I know in the depth of my heart You are here?

“… for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

What am I missing…from Your silence? I’m a broken record praying these words, pleading for you to speak loudly to me. “Father, Open my eyes to see, open my ears to hear, open my heart to know. Show me! I am willing and desire to do Your will not mine. Amen.”

Silence.

Okay…I’m getting it.    I think.    Is this what you want me to hear?  To do?  To know?

“Be still and know that I am God” Psalm 46:10

How can I be still, when the world around me is going 100 mph?
How can I be still when life seems to be all about what we do?
How can I be still when I really never have?

…and it doesn’t feel comfortable

…It doesn’t seem acceptable?

This word still, seems distant and unfamiliar to me.

Still = calm, motionless, quiet. Free from sound or noise; silent. Hushed. Peaceful. Tranquil.

Okay…  I’m getting it.

Turn it off, ALL of it. Eliminate the distractions. Pay no attention to what others are doing. Log of and disconnect. Stop checking in with everyone. Turn off the ringer and the notifications. Silence the voices and audience of many.

And…finely tune into The audience of ONE.

Okay…I got it. I’m leaning into you. Teach me Father to truly be still and know. I’m willing to listen in your silence.

I got it.

“There are times when silence has the loudest voice” – Leroy Brownlow

Do you know how to be still in this fast paced world? What do you hear when God is silent?

Originally Written For: Jesus and My Orange Juice

Photo Credit: Farl

One of my most favorite times of day is during the evening hours- when the dishes are done, house is picked up ,and I have donned my ‘comfy’ pants. (It’s true. Probably not super stylish, but part of my nightly ritual!)

I cuddle in to be with my kids.

I breathe…or maybe it is more a sigh of relief that the day has come and gone, usually without major incident. Almost a sense of accomplishment that we made it through the day. Safely tucked into cozy beds with all the comforts of home.

It is during this time when I learn the most about what is going on with my children. What kind of day they have had, their worries-if any, their accomplishments and what is on their heart.

I lay with each child and talk. And pray. Whisper a blessing…

…and scratch their back.

I know I drag it out; it ends up taking more time than it probably should. But you know what… I treasure this time with them. To connect. And to let them know that they are precious to me, and precious to God. The chaos of the day has come and gone, and I have their undivided attention. Just me and them. And the quiet night time offers.

Unfortunately, on occasion, it isn’t always so picture perfect. When our nights are overloaded with activities, when patience runs thin, or when the dial simply doesn’t get turned down soon enough, meltdowns occur.

It shouldn’t be a surprise to us as parents, in fact, it should be very predictable when the volcano is about to erupt. When our children are about to come undone.

And at times…even us grownups.

I think we can learn a lot from this scenario, and maybe even apply it to our relationship with God. God delights in spending time with us. For us to be quiet enough to hear His still, small voice. I bet he takes great pleasure in hearing about our day. Our accomplishments and anxieties. Our burdens, fears and hopes. In fact, God calls us to be like little children.

Matthew 18:4 “Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”

So, when you put your head on your pillow tonight, humble yourself like a child, and let God tuck you in for the night. Connect with Him. And let Him remind you how precious you are in His sight. Sleep tight.

This topic has come up a lot lately in my conversations with friends and interactions with others.

What in your world “divides” your attention from the people and things that are really important?

I’ve been hit over the head with it in a very real way and am sad to say that over the past several years – YES, you heard it…S E V E R A L …years I’ve struggled with giving others around me undivided attention.

I am not one to blame things on others or things or situations – I can only look in the mirror and ask the question, “What role am I playing in this situation, or what did I do to set this ball in motion?”

My answer?  I realized that….. –> read more here today I’m a guest writer over at Carey Scott Talks talking about Undivided Attention.

Photo Credit: Jorge Quinteros

This quote was posted on Facebook recently…

“We are attracted to those who are most like who we want to be.” – KARS

As I was scrolling down the page I had to stop and go back because I had read the quote to say something slightly different…

“We are distracted by those who are most like who we want to be.”

Do you ever find yourself hearing or reading things that aren’t really there because it resonates with something that you have experienced or struggle with?

That was me as I mis-read this quote. I agree with the original version of this quote, it is true. We do gravitate toward those that are in a place that we dream about — this isn’t always a bad thing.

I think that growing and becoming who we were made to be includes learning and gleaning from others. We should always be aware of what is happening around us, taking in new information and being open to change. However, when we focus too much on those around us, who they are, what they are doing and how we want to be like them …

…we can loose sight of who we are truly meant to be.

I know we’ve all heard these statements many times, they are true:

• There is only one you and there is only one me.
• Before the world was made there was a plan, an idea dreamed up specifically for you.
• Your plan really can’t look like anyone else’s.
• There are no two lives that look the same.

But, when we are attracted to those who are most like who we want to be, we can also be distracted by them.

Distracted by what they are doing, distracted by how many people follow them, distracted by how much money they are making, distracted by the specific calling and plan tailor made to them.

Distracted instead of focused.

Focused on the plan laid out uniquely for us. Focused on the lives we can touch. Focused on becoming who we were made to be.

There is only one you and there is only one me. As we are attracted to each other, let’s not get distracted.

Today, instead of focusing on who I want to be like, I am going to focus on who I was made to be. Who is with me?

Photo courtesy of jesscalive

Seasons. Change. Unknown. It seems we are always faced with these 3 realities. Our lives are ever moving, ever changing, ever filled to the brim. No matter how comfortable we seem to be with our routines, our habits, and our comfort zones, there is always something we are waiting for, something we desire…something about which we just don’t know.

When circumstances are out of my control I get antsy. My time table becomes of the utmost importance. I become stressed and anxious.

It was during one of these “unknown” times a friend encouraged me with a beautiful little gift book of the poem “Wait” by Russel Kelfer. The book is on my night stand, it’s cover with the bold title, “Wait” reminds me Who’s in control. He’s got this, He never sleeps, and He knows and cares for me.

WAIT
by Russel Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, “Wait.”

“Wait? you say wait?” my indignant reply.
“Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I’m claiming your Word.

“My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I’m needing a ‘yes’, a go-ahead sign,
Or even a ‘no’ to which I can resign.

“You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I’ve been asking, and this is my cry:
I’m weary of asking! I need a reply.”

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, “Wait.”
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, “So, I’m waiting for what?”

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, “I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

“I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You’d have what you want, but you wouldn’t know Me.
You’d not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You’d not know the power that I give to the faint.

“You’d not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You’d not learn to trust just by knowing I’m there.
You’d not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

“You’d never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you’d not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

“The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that’s beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

“You’d never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I’m doing in you.

“So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait.”

 Photo Credit

Not only is this both an art and a science, (it is really a complicated process!) it is a great time to catch up with old friends. My ‘station’ is by the sink and stove, with one of my most respected friends, ‘Sus’. She is really like family. Because life is busy, we don’t get to see each other or even talk all that frequently.  But when we do, I so appreciate her. Her example. Her heart. One of the many reasons I look forward to this weekend.

In recapping my Pickle Party, I realized there are some important lessons learned. Not only for pickling, but for life in general:

• Pay attention to detail. To process. To your team members. (Those jars won’t seal and your pickles will ‘sour’ if each step isn’t followed correctly! Isn’t that also true with certain real life situations?)

• Collaborate. It is a team effort, and each person has a valued role.

• Listen. To not only direction, but to each other!

• Teach. Take time to teach each other a craft, trade or simply life lesson learned. Pass on something to the next generation!

• Laugh. Don’t take yourself too seriously!

• A little sweat labor yields a priceless product.

• Enjoy the fruits of your labor.

• Take time to start and keep a meaningful tradition.

• Make reconnecting with your family / friends a priority.

and lastly…..

DON’T HIDE THE GOOD PICKLES IN THE LAUNDRY CABINET. ENJOY THEM!

Pretty good life advise, don’t you think?  …….thanks for the great pickle party Marian!

Thursday, June 4th I was exhausted.  My back had been out for a couple of weeks, I was slowly on the mend, but things were not being accomplished because I just was NOT feeling up to it.  The boys were NOW out of school – so the transition from “my” time during the day had begun.  I needed to adjust to sharing the treasured hours during the day, where I could accomplish things with out distractions, with worrying about the boys being bored, having something fun to do, breaking up the “brotherly love” fighting, and taxi mom to play dates, day camps, and sports activities.  UFDAH – it was JUST the first day of summer!!

My todo list was VERY long – we were in the process of getting our home ready to put on the market.  It’s amazing to me how much work needs to be done to get the house ready for others to see it.  The punch list from the realtor was 3 pages long!  I had to call in the troops to assist me with my mini-extreme makeover home addition project.  I had THAT day ONLY before I was headed out of town to meet a friend who I hadn’t seen in 1 year, so I needed to make the best of it.

I woke up that morning, still NOT feeling well, and begun visualizing my day.  It didn’t look pretty.  Here were my racing thoughts:  My husband was out of town (hhhmmmm, how convenient?!?!?) so he wasn’t available to help.  Every closet and cupboard had to be de-cluttered and organized.  The movers were coming to rearrange and remove furniture to put into storage.  The handyman was coming to fix things, paint, drill, hang, etc.  Tina, the home “stager” was coming to suggest and give pointers on how to make the home SHINE for showings.  Kelly, my cleaning lady was coming to help with cleaning, wash windows, and sorting things into piles:  Keep.  Toss.  Good Will.  It was going to BE Grand Central Station.  Then I thought………I  sure do love my little nuggets dearly, but I knew that the day would be stressful with them being home.  I had forgotten about THEM being home, school was OUT!!  oops!

Then I got the phone call.  My friend Tricia called.  She asked if she could pick up the boys and take them for the afternoon.  WOW, REALLY?!?!  Apparently I had mentioned to her previously about this day and she knew the boys would be out of school.  So, she offered to take them for the day.  I felt a little guilty at first, you know, the “SUPER mom guilt” which causes you to respond to an offer like that this way, “Oh, NO, that’s ok, I can manage.” The LIE that just so easily flows out of our mouths – we say NO when we REALLY REALLY mean YES – HELP ME!!  SOS!!  Ok, so that’s what I did initially UNTIL she insisted and wouldn’t take NO for an answer.  She picked up the boys around 11:00am – took them to her home, fed them, played with them, let them run around and have a BLAST at her home on her land out in the country.  I was able to tackle my punch list with OUT any distractions.  She was a BLESSING to me that day, and I STILL appreciate it so very much!

What’s more is that in addition to the FREE gift she blessed me with by watching my boys, a couple of days later she emailed me these special gifts.

WOW!  PRICELESS pictures of my boys!  I hadn’t taken the time in years to have professional photos taken of the boys and she captured them so beautifully!

Thank you Tricia for blessing me that day and Thank you for keeping it personal,  for taking action with the lingering thought that passed through your mind to help me.  I appreciate you and our friendship.  I hope to sometime return the blessing to you!!  :-)

Ps.  If you’re looking for a GREAT photographer check out her work on her website by clicking here.