Daily KIP: Are you able to forgive those who have wronged you? Our character is strengthened each time we show compassion.
What is a dry well? Simply put its a well that is dry, one that doesn’t produce any water. A dry well would be one that no one returns to to quench their thirst and in most cases it would be capped of, abandoned and forgotten. BUT they are most often always still there.
Getting water from a well is NOT an easy task, it a takes a lot of work. I’m not talking about the modern day technology that’s used by cities which connect wells to the city water system that we get to our faucets, not that kind of well. I’m talking about the old wells. You know, the one where the bucket is hanging there – you have to manually turn the crank down to the bottom, scoop up the water in the bucket and then crank the bucket up…….that’s the kind of well that I have in my mind. That’s A LOT of work to get one bucket of water!!
IF you were to make the effort to go to the well, the old fashioned kind – put the bucket on the hook, crank it ALL the way down to the bottom and then crank it back up ONLY to find it empty, would your need be met? Would you be able to quench your thirst? or use the water to wash your clothes? bathe yourself or your child? NO!! You would walk away potentially feeling sad, defeated, lonely, frustrated, thirsty, dirty, afraid.
Knowing that the well was dried up, would you go back to get more water? Maybe, right? Maybe it just happened to be dry that day, maybe tomorrow would be different, maybe because it rained or something like that, there would be water. So, the next day you go to the SAME well, drop the SAME bucket ONLY to find that – OH MY the well IS still dry! Shoot, once again your needs are not met and you walk away with the same feelings you had the day before…….sad, defeated, lonely, frustrated, thirsty, dirty, afraid.
This could go on for days – hoping to get different results. Until finally the decision is made to accept the reality that the well is dry, it will no longer meet the needs that it once did. You let it go. You find another well to meet your needs. BUT it’s VERY difficult and it can take a lot of time!!
Over the past couple of years I’ve asked myself why in the world am I continually drawn to “dry wells”? NOW I’m talking about people and relationships. I make the connection between the two because some of the relationships that I’ve had OR have are like dry wells……….they do not quench my thirst. I continue to go to the people/relationship thinking the next time will be different, but it’s not. I leave sad, defeated, some times insecure, judged, frustrated, empty.
I’ve come to the realization that we indeed are creatures of habit AND change is NOT easy!! What have I done? I’ve taken the path of least resistance in some cases and continue to get the same results. YUK – that’s painful!!
Yesterday my friend shared with me this analogy. She said, “Sometimes we have to set aside or walk away from the unhealthy to make room in our lives for God to bring healthy.”
Oooooohhhhh! We liked this, but we both decided that it’s a very difficult task! It’s true, but hard because we want so bad for the “well” aka. relationship/person NOT to be dry! Plus, it’s easy to just NOT work on de-cluttering and be status quo, even though it’s unhealthy and painful. DOUBLE PLUS, if we let go of that, even though it’s unhealthy – WHAT do we replace it with in the meantime? Do we trust God to bring us healthy?
The one thing to keep in mind is like a dried up well, they are most often ALWAYS still there. As we make the decision to accept, set aside the unhealthy to make room for the healthy – it doesn’t mean we need to destroy or eliminate – we just don’t need to go there anymore. We need to set boundaries and make room for God to bring us healthy.
How many dry wells are you going to?
I had a great birthday weekend. What made it so special was connecting with people I LOVE! On Saturday my husband treated me and two of my friends to a spa day…..it was just what we needed; ALL of us! We had facials, massages, relaxed in the hot tub and enjoyed the steam room. To wrap up our day we ate at a fantastic Mexican restaurant inhaling chips and salsa and fresh made guacamole – YUM, my favorite!!
Of course while we were together we talked NON-STOP, like girls do! There was one conversation in particular that we had that stuck out to me. We were reflecting upon some of our past experiences, many of which were new stories – I so enjoy learning new things about my friends!
As we were sharing and laughing about life and some of our experiences one of my friends said this, “I wouldn’t choose my difficult and painful experiences, and they were hard to go through but the growth I gained from them changed me into a more compassionate and sensitive person. Those changes wouldn’t have happened without the experiences. So you can’t have it both ways.”
I really like how she stated that. So often when I’m connecting with people I hear things like, “I wish that would’ve NEVER happened”, “If I could do life over again, I would change this, that, or the other thing.” I also know, based on my own past experiences, that when we are hurt, angry, carry resentments, shame and guilt towards ourselves and others we struggle to grow and see what good comes out of our experiences.
There’s the old saying, “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” I agree with that but it’s so vague. I would like to add some alternative ways to finish that statement, “That which does not kill us CAN……
…..make us more understanding and non-judgmental.”
…..allow us to become angry.”
…..give us opportunities to help others because we can relate.”
…..cause resentment and bitterness towards others.”
…..change us positively.”
…..impact us negatively.”
How do you view your experiences? Are they opportunities for growth? Or are they set backs? Would you choose NOT to go through painful and difficult situations? OR Would you go through the same, all-over again because if you hadn’t, who would you be today? Is there something that you’ve experienced that maybe needs to be looked at differently?
For me, I do need to look at some of my past experiences differently. I still have some resentments and anger that I need to work through AND I need to forgive myself for some things to be set free from lingering shame and guilt that I’ve been carrying.
I STRIVE to finish the statement above with this approach, “That which does not kill me changes me positively and gives me an opportunity to help others.”
How would YOU finish it?
