I was getting ready to board a plane, grabbing a coffee from Starbucks which happened to be connected to a Simply Books book store, when the title of this book called my name; That’s My Son: How Moms Can Influence Boys to Become Men of Character, by Rick Johnson…………THAT I needed to read!
I quickly grabbed my coffee, purchased the book. boarded the plane, and DEVOURED it! From San Diego to Minneapolis I couldn’t put the book down.
Have you ever looked at your boy and asked yourself this question, “How am I ever going to raise this little guy into a good man?” I HAVE ~ UGH!! I have such a deep desire to instill good character qualities into my boys, but sometimes I wonder, especially after I’ve lost my voice from hollering at them all day, If I’m equipped.
Whether you LOVE to read (like me!) or not, I promise you, this book you will appreciate. I was educated, challenged, and inspired. Additionally, I was validated. I know there are other moms are out there just like me, doing the best they can to raise Good Men!
The author Rick Johnson writes a clear message to mothers in an easy to read format. He delivers practical suggestions on how we, as mothers, can teach our boys good character qualities. He also provides insight on what it takes to be a man and what it is that makes a man “tick” – I NEEDED to know THAT!! After all, as Rick mentions in his introduction, he discovered there is much value in the old adage, “It’s easier to raise a boy than to fix a man.”
The main concept I took from this book is this: I need to frequently point out good character traits to my boys when I see them in their lives as well as in the lives of other males. Additionally, I need to point out bad character traits when I see them by asking this question, “Is that a quality of a good man?”. I’ve started this process and am amazed by how well it’s working. They are so happy when I verbalize their good qualities and understand the difference in their behavior when I ask them that simple question. I am noticing ‘baby step’ changes!! YIPEE!!
You can check out what others are saying about this book too by following the link below.
That’s My Son: How Moms Can Influence Boys to Become Men of Character
IF this title/book interests you and you decide to read it too, I would LOVE to hear what your thoughts are and what you learned.
Now……off to find my NEXT read! tj
Daily KIP: Many of us grew up hearing this time and time again from our parents or other grown-ups in our lives. If you’re a parent, you’ve most likely spoken this to your children many times. Let us NOT overlook this simple, yet impacting, golden rule in OUR life today……..Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you.
Child abuse or should I say the prevention of -is a passion of mine. Picture this. You are at the grocery store, target, mall- some public place… when a child is acting out. You can see the anxiety of that parent rising. They may lash out at their child who is misbehaving, and maybe even in a way that concerns you. If you have ever been in that situation, what was your response? Was it to stare, or maybe even give the ‘look?’ May I make a suggestion? Any of us who are parents should be able to relate to that situation. How many times have I been standing in line at Target when one of my kids throws a tantrum because I am NOT going to buy them that fancy container of liquid sugar in the check out isle? They put it there for a reason people! For parents who decide to give in to their tantruming kids just to get the onlookers off their backs! (I’m guilty!)
Think about what might have helped you in that situation. A smile? Laughter? Recognition from someone that they have ‘been there’? In some circumstances, when you may be really concerned about the escalation of that parent’s behavior, and maybe even concerned for the safety of that child, what would you do? One recommendation may be to offer a distraction to take that parent out of the heated situation. Kindly interrupt and ask for directions. Compliment them on their clothing, hairstyle, whatever…. ask if they have seen a product. You get the idea. Something completely unrelated to the event, but because you are creating that interruption, it is giving both child and parent time to cool down.
On the other hand, if you are witnessing a violent act against a child, you have the responsibility to alert authorities. Children count on ‘the village’, and if the village fails them when warning signs are there, what is left? Unfortunately we live in a world where there is stress beyond measure. Many of us are feeling the pressures of our finances. For others it might be health issues, or lack of insurance, or a loved one who is deployed. We all have our triggers. I just ask that you, as a concerned citizen, take the responsibility to be the eyes and ears for our children. It really does take a village.
www.preventchildabuse.org
What You Can Do: Reach Out PINWHEELS FOR PREVENTION ™ CAMPAIGN
Anything you do to support kids and parents can help reduce the stress that often leads to abuse and neglect.
Be a friend to a parent you know. Ask how their children are doing. Draw on your own experiences to provide reassurance and support. If a parent seems to be struggling, offer to baby-sit or run errands, or just lend a friendly ear. Show you understand.
Be a friend to a child you know. Remember their names. Smile when you talk with them. Ask them about their day at school. Send them a card in the mail. Show you care.
Talk to your neighbors about looking out for one another’s children. Encourage a supportive spirit among parents in your apartment building or on your block. Show that you are involved.
Give your used clothing, furniture and toys for use by another family. This can help relieve the stress of financial burdens that parents sometimes take out on their kids.
Volunteer your time and money for programs in your community that support children and families, like parent support groups or day care centers.
Being a mom is, I believe, one of the most important jobs I will ever have. It is a gift I have been given, and I take it very seriously. This week in particular, I felt very conflicted with balancing work and home. Maybe it was because it was the first week back to work after the holiday. It was a bit of a letdown, simply knowing that the fun and games were over and I had to put on my nursing hat so to speak. I felt a longing to simply be a mom, and would have been satisfied to put that nursing cap on the shelf to collect dust.
These feelings got me thinking about this role of being a mom. I began comparing my own parenting to that of MY mother, and how it differs. I consider myself very fortunate to have grown up in the family I did, and to have the parents I do. Consistency, calm, Christian influence. My dad walked in the door at 5:10 or so every night. Home made meals on the table at 5:30 every night. A home made sweet treat after dinner every night. The house was always picked up, laundry always done. Life was predictable. I had 2 sisters, both older than I, and we all respected my parents. I know I am the youngest, so my memory may be a little different than that of my sisters, but I don’t remember my parents ever having to yell to get our attention. For me, it was more of a fear of disappointing them that made me want to do good. (Not sayin’ that I didn’t do my fair share of stupid things growing up!) I don’t ever remember sensing anger or impatience between my parents. Life was simple. Or at least that is how I remember it.
Fast forward several decades (gulp)and here I am, blessed to be raising my own children. Boy, I am afraid to say the the environment in which I remember growing up is very different than the environment my children are being raised. To start, I work. I have the privilege of working part time and feel very blessed for that opportunity, but…. I work. I feel like if I’m not on call, I’m going into the clinic, or thinking about an outstanding subpoena, or a child that touched my heart in a profound way. It is always there. How much does that take away from my ability to be a good mom? Are there ways that makes me a better mom?
I think another big difference is our children’s schedules. I grew up on a farm in a rural town in MN. I have to say there weren’t too many opportunities for extracurricular events until the junior high years. It wasn’t until then, that we would begin or choose a sport- and there were only a few to choose from. Practices were predictable, after school, and we would always be home by dinner-time.
My son Owen decided to play hockey this year. I’ve been told that 6 years old is a year or two late to begin skating. Really? Along with this commitment are 1 to 2 practices a week, and 1 game per week. Not really all that bad. Then you factor in our 4 year old daughter Gracie and her 1 practice a week for gymnastics. Add the weekly church, school, typical play dates, and preschool car pools… it all adds up. And with that, takes away time from home where I could be cooking, cleaning or creating consistency and calm. On the other hand, it provides exposure to a team sport, helps build confidence and cooperation among team members and provides excellent physical activity.
So what gives? I know that schedules will only get busier. I mentioned I have 2 older siblings with older children, so know what is ahead for us. I just struggle at the difference in how I was raised. I can’t expect life to be the same for my children as it was for me 38 years ago. It is a different time, and we live in a different demographic. I may not have the opportunity to have dinner on the table every night at 5:30. BUT there are things I can and DO do.
Creating memories with our children. Having popcorn parties on our family room floor. Watching movies. Playing board games. Creating family traditions. Being silly.
I can still provide consistency, but in a different way. Consistency in parenting, in providing a safe haven, in creating predictability.
Calm, yet different than what I knew. Calm in my responses to various situations. Calm created by preparing for the day, for the unexpected. Calm in my marriage. These things are all a work in progress.
Christian influence- I pray I provide this by being an example in my daily walk. By being in the Word. By making church a priority. By praying as a family. By reading devotions with our children. By living our lives as an example. I think THAT is the biggest challenge of all. Thank you to my husband who continues to hold me accountable in these areas as they too, are a work in progress. I love you!
So, for me, being a mom is a title I’m honored to have been given. My job is to help mold 2 tiny persons into a godly man and woman with the help of a lot of other wonderful people, most importantly their father. I just pray each and every day that I am equipped with the skills needed to do my very best at this incredibly important job. I can’t expect things to be the same as when I grew up. In fact, there are many positive things my children have been afforded that back in the day, were not available. I need to stop comparing, and appreciate each day for what it is. Finally, I pray for peace and balance in my heart when juggling my various roles becomes a struggle.
Daily KIP: What are your EXPECTATIONS of others in your life? Think about the different areas: spouse, friendships, parenting, work, etc. ~ Are they realistic? If they are, and they are not being met, what changes can you make within yourself to get different results?
Lately I’ve been frustrated with the word TRY. I know it sounds strange……really, who actually thinks that much about a word?!?!
I understand that there are times when we need to use the word TRY. Here are a few examples:
2. People need to try-out for a team or a part in a play.
3. Trying new foods is another good example – in fact, in our family we have a “try-club” that my boys belong to and this is how we encourage them to try new foods.
I could continue on with many more examples where to “try” something is positive, encourages growth, and gets people to experience more in life – that’s GREAT!!
I’ve often caught myself using the word TRY as a cop-out or an excuse to just move on to the next thing instead of being truly honest. So let me give you a couple examples of what that looks like:
1. A friend is telling me about a new seafood restaurant that they LOVED and they recommend it to me. I say, “OH that’s sounds GREAT, I’ll have to give it a try sometime.” (SERIOUSLY I have NO intention of ever trying this restaurant – I don’t eat seafood – thanks for sharing!!! Why couldn’t I have just said that? That’s REAL!)
2. I’m talking with someone about a situation that I’m going through and they give me their advice sharing with me something that worked/helped them and I say, “OH that sounds good, I’ll have to try that.” (BUT, Inside I’m thinking, you have absolutely NO clue what I’m talking about – I soooo don’t agree with you and I’m NOT going to do that – SORRY!!)
Again, I could go on with more examples of this type of “try” and now that I’ve written these, I’m embarrassed to say that I do this OFTEN…….I need to focus on keeping it real with others, WOW!
The “try” that has been frustrating to me are NOT the two I’ve shared above. You see, over the past month I’ve noticed in others and haven’t been able to understand why some people close to me continue to tell me their “trying” to change certain things but the “certain things” continue to stay the same. My thoughts are – this trying thing is NOT working!! JUST DO IT!! DECIDE and DO IT – don’t try anymore – MAKE IT HAPPEN!!
Here’s one that I see with my boys. Boys will be boys, they fight, like boys do, and sometimes (ok, a lot of times) are rude and disrespectful – UGH!! When I talk with them about their behavior the response I typically get from them is, “Ok mom, I’ll try to be nice to my brother.” NO LESS than 10 minutes later the behavior they said they were TRYING to change comes right back at me. COME On, BE NICE!!
As I write this I’m reflecting on me and how I am; Usually when I’m frustrated about something in others, I have to look in the mirror. I’ve got a lot of work to do in this area in my parenting, relationships, and other situations. Looks like it’s time for me to answer the question: What is it that I need to STOP “trying” and DO?
