Last week, I had the opportunity to road trip it to Kansas City with my husband, he had a business meeting on Monday so I tagged along. I love traveling with him especially when we drive. We have the best conversations, I read books out loud to him, and of course I sing OUT LOUD to all my favorite downloaded songs at the top of my lungs. I think he likes it, it really do.
We arrived on Sunday, checked into the our hotel on the plaza, walked to Bo Lings, a popular local chinese restaurant, stuffed our faces, then stopped at Chaz on our way back, had coffee and a YUMMY chocolate peanut butter dessert and listened to a band play some cool tunes.
When I woke up on Monday, I had a free day to do what I wanted to do – YIPEE!! I was determined to get outside and go for a run because the day was so beautiful. As I was getting ready I realized that I had lost my ipod holder, the one that goes on my arm when I run, AND I didn’t have a jacket with pockets to hold my room key, a little cash and my cell phone just in case of an emergency. So, I laced up my shoes and set out headed towards the plaza and about 2 hours later after going to several stores, I was FINALLY ready to run. I got a dorky little fanny pack for my “stuff” and a case for my ipod. As I started to run I thought to myself, “Had I just kept it simple, I would’ve been done by now and enjoying the day.”……oh well, off I went.
Jammin’ to my music I couldn’t help but notice the homeless people I passed by………one man under the bridge, the second man sitting on the bench who returned a smile, the third man sleeping on the bench snoring, and the fourth man flying a kite. From a far, I thought he was holding a fishing pole but as I got closer I realized he was looking up. Sure enough, up in the sky I saw his red, white, and blue kite. It was a great day for flying a kite, just the right conditions.
Something inside of me prompted me to stop and talk to this man. Partially because I wanted a break from my run, I was huffing and puffing, and partially because I was taken back to a “simple place” when I saw him flying the kite. The simplicity of life when I was a child, the memories of me flying a kite. Carefree. Adventurous. Free time. This homeless man had a smile on his face and a name, it was Greg. We had a really nice talk. What a joyful man; for someone who had nothing, he sure seemed full! He inspired me.
He let me fly his kite. As I was managing the kite he shared with my that this was his second kite. His last kite ended up in the tree which he pointed out to me, it was still there. He had to save his money to get this new one. He loved the tail of his new kite. I never got a close up look at the tail, but he assured me that he tied everything he owned (like socks, pieces of cloth, etc.) on the tail because he liked to watch it wave in the wind. We must’ve chatted for about 20 minutes and before I put my ear buds back into my ears I thanked him for letting me fly his kite. He in turn thanked me for taking the time to stop and talk with him, he said, “It’s not often when people stop to talk to me.”
One week later, I’m still thinking about Greg and his kite. I’m reminded to keep it simple. Embrace the little things in life that can create memories and bring joy. I’m encouraged to just go for “the run” and not worry about the music, the fanny pack and all the stuff. I’m encouraged to start eliminating distractions and pay attention to opportunities to just take a few minutes and talk to someone like Greg. He appreciated me on Monday, and I appreciated him – I think my kids will appreciate him too when we are flying a kite for the first time this spring……..I’m going to share with them how I was inspired by Greg.
Child abuse or should I say the prevention of -is a passion of mine. Picture this. You are at the grocery store, target, mall- some public place… when a child is acting out. You can see the anxiety of that parent rising. They may lash out at their child who is misbehaving, and maybe even in a way that concerns you. If you have ever been in that situation, what was your response? Was it to stare, or maybe even give the ‘look?’ May I make a suggestion? Any of us who are parents should be able to relate to that situation. How many times have I been standing in line at Target when one of my kids throws a tantrum because I am NOT going to buy them that fancy container of liquid sugar in the check out isle? They put it there for a reason people! For parents who decide to give in to their tantruming kids just to get the onlookers off their backs! (I’m guilty!)
Think about what might have helped you in that situation. A smile? Laughter? Recognition from someone that they have ‘been there’? In some circumstances, when you may be really concerned about the escalation of that parent’s behavior, and maybe even concerned for the safety of that child, what would you do? One recommendation may be to offer a distraction to take that parent out of the heated situation. Kindly interrupt and ask for directions. Compliment them on their clothing, hairstyle, whatever…. ask if they have seen a product. You get the idea. Something completely unrelated to the event, but because you are creating that interruption, it is giving both child and parent time to cool down.
On the other hand, if you are witnessing a violent act against a child, you have the responsibility to alert authorities. Children count on ‘the village’, and if the village fails them when warning signs are there, what is left? Unfortunately we live in a world where there is stress beyond measure. Many of us are feeling the pressures of our finances. For others it might be health issues, or lack of insurance, or a loved one who is deployed. We all have our triggers. I just ask that you, as a concerned citizen, take the responsibility to be the eyes and ears for our children. It really does take a village.
www.preventchildabuse.org
What You Can Do: Reach Out PINWHEELS FOR PREVENTION ™ CAMPAIGN
Anything you do to support kids and parents can help reduce the stress that often leads to abuse and neglect.
Be a friend to a parent you know. Ask how their children are doing. Draw on your own experiences to provide reassurance and support. If a parent seems to be struggling, offer to baby-sit or run errands, or just lend a friendly ear. Show you understand.
Be a friend to a child you know. Remember their names. Smile when you talk with them. Ask them about their day at school. Send them a card in the mail. Show you care.
Talk to your neighbors about looking out for one another’s children. Encourage a supportive spirit among parents in your apartment building or on your block. Show that you are involved.
Give your used clothing, furniture and toys for use by another family. This can help relieve the stress of financial burdens that parents sometimes take out on their kids.
Volunteer your time and money for programs in your community that support children and families, like parent support groups or day care centers.
This topic has come up a lot lately in my conversations with friends and interactions with others. I’ve been hit over the head with it in a VERY real way and am sad to say that over the past 4 years – YES, you heard it 4 YEARS I’ve been really bad at giving others around me undivided attention.
I am not one to blame things on others or things or situations – I can only look in the mirror and ask the question, what role am I playing in this “situation” or what did I do to “set this in motion”?
I realized that I got a Blackberry!! aka. Crackberry, right? I can pinpoint the time when my “undivided attention” started to become divided. This wonderful piece of technology was FUN, it kept me connected, in the loop – I didn’t need to be tied to my computer to check an email, it came oh so conveniently into the palm of my hand. I literally fell in LOVE with IT!! THEN I learned how to text – oh boy! As I discovered all the wonderful features of my new BFF I discovered PINing and Instant Messaging too – I was hooked, addicted BUT, OH SOOOOO disrespectful to everyone who was “present” in my world.
I’ve been confronted by people who have shared with me the reality of who I was becoming……..It was difficult to hear at the time because my intent was never to cause anyone any pain or disrespect. Why was I doing what I was doing? Was the noise that my phone was making to alert me that there was a NEW message THAT important that I needed to constantly be checking it? Seriously, who did I think I was? What was so pressing that I had to divert my time and attention from whomever I was with to check in with my piece of technology? SERIOUSLY?!?!? Turn it off, Leave it behind – actually throw it in the ocean or something!!
The past 7 months I’ve been working on this and I feel that I’ve made GREAT improvements. I have set boundaries now with my BFF and it feels good, although sometimes I break ‘em, UGH! I’m sad that I’ve sent the message to others through this senseless behavior that they are not important and I’m striving to repair that with my actions.
I am truly grateful for those who have been honest with me to point this out. It’s a catch 22 however. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you on one hand THEN I’m sorry, sorry, sorry on the other for hurting your feelings.
What prompted me to write this today is this morning I was having coffee with a dear friend of mine and we were talking about how computers, cell phones, texting, iphones – and any other device you want to name – were stealing precious time from those that we love. For me, its been my Blackberry. And after our talk this morning I got to thinking about some other things that are creeping into my world……….what is it for you? What in your world “divides” your attention from the people and things that are really important?
What is a dry well? Simply put its a well that is dry, one that doesn’t produce any water. A dry well would be one that no one returns to to quench their thirst and in most cases it would be capped of, abandoned and forgotten. BUT they are most often always still there.
Getting water from a well is NOT an easy task, it a takes a lot of work. I’m not talking about the modern day technology that’s used by cities which connect wells to the city water system that we get to our faucets, not that kind of well. I’m talking about the old wells. You know, the one where the bucket is hanging there – you have to manually turn the crank down to the bottom, scoop up the water in the bucket and then crank the bucket up…….that’s the kind of well that I have in my mind. That’s A LOT of work to get one bucket of water!!
IF you were to make the effort to go to the well, the old fashioned kind – put the bucket on the hook, crank it ALL the way down to the bottom and then crank it back up ONLY to find it empty, would your need be met? Would you be able to quench your thirst? or use the water to wash your clothes? bathe yourself or your child? NO!! You would walk away potentially feeling sad, defeated, lonely, frustrated, thirsty, dirty, afraid.
Knowing that the well was dried up, would you go back to get more water? Maybe, right? Maybe it just happened to be dry that day, maybe tomorrow would be different, maybe because it rained or something like that, there would be water. So, the next day you go to the SAME well, drop the SAME bucket ONLY to find that – OH MY the well IS still dry! Shoot, once again your needs are not met and you walk away with the same feelings you had the day before…….sad, defeated, lonely, frustrated, thirsty, dirty, afraid.
This could go on for days – hoping to get different results. Until finally the decision is made to accept the reality that the well is dry, it will no longer meet the needs that it once did. You let it go. You find another well to meet your needs. BUT it’s VERY difficult and it can take a lot of time!!
Over the past couple of years I’ve asked myself why in the world am I continually drawn to “dry wells”? NOW I’m talking about people and relationships. I make the connection between the two because some of the relationships that I’ve had OR have are like dry wells……….they do not quench my thirst. I continue to go to the people/relationship thinking the next time will be different, but it’s not. I leave sad, defeated, some times insecure, judged, frustrated, empty.
I’ve come to the realization that we indeed are creatures of habit AND change is NOT easy!! What have I done? I’ve taken the path of least resistance in some cases and continue to get the same results. YUK – that’s painful!!
Yesterday my friend shared with me this analogy. She said, “Sometimes we have to set aside or walk away from the unhealthy to make room in our lives for God to bring healthy.”
Oooooohhhhh! We liked this, but we both decided that it’s a very difficult task! It’s true, but hard because we want so bad for the “well” aka. relationship/person NOT to be dry! Plus, it’s easy to just NOT work on de-cluttering and be status quo, even though it’s unhealthy and painful. DOUBLE PLUS, if we let go of that, even though it’s unhealthy – WHAT do we replace it with in the meantime? Do we trust God to bring us healthy?
The one thing to keep in mind is like a dried up well, they are most often ALWAYS still there. As we make the decision to accept, set aside the unhealthy to make room for the healthy – it doesn’t mean we need to destroy or eliminate – we just don’t need to go there anymore. We need to set boundaries and make room for God to bring us healthy.
How many dry wells are you going to?
Daily KIP: Connection isn’t JUST about making time for friends and family, it’s about CARING for others. Who are you REALLY connecting with? Make the connection…….make the time to truly connect.
I had a great birthday weekend. What made it so special was connecting with people I LOVE! On Saturday my husband treated me and two of my friends to a spa day…..it was just what we needed; ALL of us! We had facials, massages, relaxed in the hot tub and enjoyed the steam room. To wrap up our day we ate at a fantastic Mexican restaurant inhaling chips and salsa and fresh made guacamole – YUM, my favorite!!
Of course while we were together we talked NON-STOP, like girls do! There was one conversation in particular that we had that stuck out to me. We were reflecting upon some of our past experiences, many of which were new stories – I so enjoy learning new things about my friends!
As we were sharing and laughing about life and some of our experiences one of my friends said this, “I wouldn’t choose my difficult and painful experiences, and they were hard to go through but the growth I gained from them changed me into a more compassionate and sensitive person. Those changes wouldn’t have happened without the experiences. So you can’t have it both ways.”
I really like how she stated that. So often when I’m connecting with people I hear things like, “I wish that would’ve NEVER happened”, “If I could do life over again, I would change this, that, or the other thing.” I also know, based on my own past experiences, that when we are hurt, angry, carry resentments, shame and guilt towards ourselves and others we struggle to grow and see what good comes out of our experiences.
There’s the old saying, “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” I agree with that but it’s so vague. I would like to add some alternative ways to finish that statement, “That which does not kill us CAN……
…..make us more understanding and non-judgmental.”
…..allow us to become angry.”
…..give us opportunities to help others because we can relate.”
…..cause resentment and bitterness towards others.”
…..change us positively.”
…..impact us negatively.”
How do you view your experiences? Are they opportunities for growth? Or are they set backs? Would you choose NOT to go through painful and difficult situations? OR Would you go through the same, all-over again because if you hadn’t, who would you be today? Is there something that you’ve experienced that maybe needs to be looked at differently?
For me, I do need to look at some of my past experiences differently. I still have some resentments and anger that I need to work through AND I need to forgive myself for some things to be set free from lingering shame and guilt that I’ve been carrying.
I STRIVE to finish the statement above with this approach, “That which does not kill me changes me positively and gives me an opportunity to help others.”
How would YOU finish it?
