Child abuse or should I say the prevention of – is a passion of mine.

Picture this. You are at the grocery store, target, mall- some public place… when a child is acting out. You can see the anxiety of that parent rising. They may lash out at their child who is misbehaving, and maybe even in a way that concerns you. If you have ever been in that situation…

…what was your response?

Was it to stare, or maybe even give the ‘look’?  May I make a suggestion? Any of us who are parents should be able to relate to that situation. How many times have I been standing in line at Target when one of my kids throws a tantrum because I am NOT going to buy them that fancy container of liquid sugar in the check out isle?

They put it there for a reason people!

For parents who decide to give in to their tantruming kids just to get the onlookers off their backs! (I’m guilty!)

Think about what might have helped you in that situation.

A smile? Laughter? Recognition from someone that they have ‘been there‘?

In some circumstances, when you may be really concerned about the escalation of that parent’s behavior, and maybe even concerned for the safety of that child, what. would. you. do?

One recommendation may be to offer a distraction to take that parent out of the heated situation. Kindly interrupt and ask for directions. Compliment them on their clothing, hairstyle, whatever…. ask if they have seen a product. You get the idea. Something completely unrelated to the event, but because you are creating that interruption, it is giving both child and parent time to cool down.

On the other hand, if you are witnessing a violent act against a child, you have the responsibility to alert authorities. Children count on ‘the village‘, and if the village fails them when warning signs are there…

…what is left?

Unfortunately we live in a world where there is stress beyond measure. Many of us are feeling the pressures of our finances. For others it might be health issues, or lack of insurance, or a loved one who is deployed. We all have our triggers. I just ask that you, as a concerned citizen, take the responsibility to be the eyes and ears for our children. It really does take a village.

Anything you do to support kids and parents can help reduce the stress that often leads to abuse and neglect.  Here are some suggestion from preventchildabuse.org article:  What You Can Do: Reach Out PINWHEELS FOR PREVENTION ™ CAMPAIGN

1. Be a friend to a parent you know. Ask how their children are doing. Draw on your own experiences to provide reassurance and support. If a parent seems to be struggling, offer to baby-sit or run errands, or just lend a friendly ear. Show you understand.
2. Be a friend to a child you know. Remember their names. Smile when you talk with them. Ask them about their day at school. Send them a card in the mail. Show you care.
3. Talk to your neighbors about looking out for one another’s children. Encourage a supportive spirit among parents in your apartment building or on your block. Show that you are involved.
4. Give your used clothing, furniture and toys for use by another family. This can help relieve the stress of financial burdens that parents sometimes take out on their kids.
5. Volunteer your time and money for programs in your community that support children and families, like parent support groups or day care centers.

“It takes a village to raise a child.” -African Proverb

Flickr Photo Credit

Spring. Fever.

The kids catch it too. You can just see it. Their energy. Voices. Laughter. Neighbors who have hibernated through the winter are suddenly appearing, and park equipment that hasn’t been used since the fall is back to life.

Even our dog gets spring fever. He scratched at the door in the dead of night a few days ago. I got up to let him out, thinking he had to go to the bathroom. Nope. Murphy just walked to the middle of the yard and laid down. “Seriously?” I thought to myself. “You got me out of bed to go lay in the grass?”

Spring. Fever.

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1

No matter what my circumstances, it seems like the spirit of Spring makes everything seem better. The worries, concerns, problems of daily life don’t necessarily go away, but I find myself coping with a more positive attitude.

I have a better perspective. I’m kinder. More patient. I smile more. I tend to notice and appreciate the little things…

…the sounds, smells, sights around me.

There is a newness, an anticipation, a promise of growth and hope that comes with Spring. Not unlike the newness we find in Christ. In Revelation 21:5 Jesus says,

“Look, I am making everything new!”

Spring is for real. And can be applied to each and every season of our lives when we make an intentional effort to keep Spring a focus!

Here’s to Spring Fever!

VERY. Exciting. Stuff.

These plans left me at home with our son, Owen who is almost 9. Some might think we got the short end of the stick. BUT, you know what? This weekend — just the two of us…

…has been priceless.

In fact, even before Doug and Gracie left, Owen came down with his backpack filled with clothes. He announces, “Mom, is it okay if I move into your room for the weekend?” Soooo cute! And, yes… he has pretty much moved in.

We have been busy watching movies, and Funniest Home Videos, and eating popcorn, and swimming, and throwing the football, and putting the Clay Matthews fathead he got for Christmas up on his bedroom wall….

There were no interruptions, we talked, listened, laughed, and spent time together. I have even let the housework slide!

I am reminded how important it is to be intentional about spending time with our kids. They both have such different personalities, and needs, and we react to them differently as a result. To have a few days focusing on each one individually has really been a gift- both to Doug and I, and to our kids.

To be intentional, and present, not distracted by other duties, people, or obligations. I gave myself permission to go on vacation this weekend, and have loved every minute of it!

“Kids spell love T-I-M-E.” – John Crudele

So often in this crazy world of ours, we expect instant results. We have grown accustomed to fast food, drive thrus, instant messaging, tweeting, and digital photos {remember the days of 35mm photos? Where we had to wait until the film was developed to see if you were caught mid-blink?} Some off us, okay, I’m guilty, have the tendency to carry over that instant gratification expectation to other, more important areas of our lives.

Whether it be weight loss, financial success, overcoming addictions, climbing the corporate ladder or other… we have been programed to expect immediate — or, at the very least, quick — results.  And when we don’t get them…

we grow weary. frustrated. and impatient.

At times, we might even give up if we don’t see the changes we would like to see in OUR time.

And we desire each one of you to show the same earnestness to have the full assurance of hope until the end, so that you may not be sluggish, but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises. Hebrews 6:11-12

Many of us have made prayerful resolutions for the new year, commitments to live a healthier lifestyle, exercise more, spend less, get promoted, pay off debt… I challenge you to persevere. God tells us through faith and patience…

we will inherit HIS promises!

Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant. Robert Louis Stevenson

So, my dear friends, persevere. Continue your hard work, it will pay off! Continue sowing those seeds and you will one day reap a harvest worth celebrating!

And as the old saying goes — good things come to those who wait.

Photo Credit:  aviana2

I’m not sure if it was the stress of the upcoming holiday that was wearing on me, or maybe it was the fact that my husband and I weren’t seeing eye to eye on a few things.  Throw in the mix that I have been working more than I usually do — which has left me a little sleep deprived.

But, Sunday worship was one of those days. Have you been there? Seemed like tears were streaming down my face before I walked through the doors of the sanctuary. I had come before God empty, raw…

…and He did a number on me.

So, with me already in a puddle of tears, my wonderful church Hosanna! played this You Tube video smack dab in the middle of worship.

Christopher Duffley is an autistic, blind child who was born to a drug addicted mother. He demonstrates an intimate relationship with God, and an undying faith… despite his disabilities.

Sniff, sniff…

So after I collected myself, I began to question, “Who am I to wallow in my pity?” I have a choice in how I respond to my circumstances!  I hold onto this truth:

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. – John 1:5

I don’t always get there right away, but I think that’s okay. {Grace!}

There is a time to feed and a time to be fed. It is just good to know how the story ends…

…darkness will never extinguish the light!

And Christopher, you have one bright light shining and impacting the lives of many!

I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better.  I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. – Ephesians 1:17-19

Photo Credit: gnlogic

“Every child you encounter is a divine appointment.” Wess Stafford

From YouTube footage of a teen being whipped with a belt for ‘discipline’ — to famous coaches sexually molesting numerous children over a number of years, the reality of child abuse has reared its ugly head over the last several weeks.

I have taken a special interest in these stories because abuse is my formal line-of-work.  I see children just like the above mentioned.  I interview and examine them.  I collect evidence when able…

…I see their anguish, their shame.

I talk to their non-offending parents who are brought to their knees in devastation.

Horrified. Heart broken. Innocence lost.

They are victims. Victims of others’ sinful, destructive and hurtful actions. But, the abuse they have endured doesn’t define who they are. It is our job, each and every one of us, to let these children know how very special they are. How God created each of them and He has a plan for them.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

We may not know them personally, but we can pray for them, for their families, and for their recovery. My prayer would sound something like this song, Beautiful by Mercy Me…

Days will come when you don’t have the strength
When all you hear is you’re not worth anything
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart they’d see too much
And praying that you have the heart to find
Cause you are more than what is hurting you tonight
For all the lies you’ve held inside so long
And they are nothing in the shadow of the cross
Before you ever took a breath
Long before the world began
Of all the wonders He possessed
There was one more precious
Of all the earth and skies above
You’re the one He madly loves enough to die
You’re beautiful
In His eyes
You’re beautiful
You are made for so much more than all of this
You’re beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His

“Safety and security don’t just happen, they are the result of collective consensus and public investment. We owe our children, the most vulnerable citizens in our society, a life free of violence and fear.” – Nelson Mandela, former president of South Africa

My hope is that these horrendous stories of sexual and physical abuse create a public awareness. That instead of turning a blind eye, we might have the courage to speak up and say something when faced with an opportunity to ally a child.

My question for you –> What role can YOU play?

One of my most favorite times of day is during the evening hours- when the dishes are done, house is picked up ,and I have donned my ‘comfy’ pants. (It’s true. Probably not super stylish, but part of my nightly ritual!)

I cuddle in to be with my kids.

I breathe…or maybe it is more a sigh of relief that the day has come and gone, usually without major incident. Almost a sense of accomplishment that we made it through the day. Safely tucked into cozy beds with all the comforts of home.

It is during this time when I learn the most about what is going on with my children. What kind of day they have had, their worries-if any, their accomplishments and what is on their heart.

I lay with each child and talk. And pray. Whisper a blessing…

…and scratch their back.

I know I drag it out; it ends up taking more time than it probably should. But you know what… I treasure this time with them. To connect. And to let them know that they are precious to me, and precious to God. The chaos of the day has come and gone, and I have their undivided attention. Just me and them. And the quiet night time offers.

Unfortunately, on occasion, it isn’t always so picture perfect. When our nights are overloaded with activities, when patience runs thin, or when the dial simply doesn’t get turned down soon enough, meltdowns occur.

It shouldn’t be a surprise to us as parents, in fact, it should be very predictable when the volcano is about to erupt. When our children are about to come undone.

And at times…even us grownups.

I think we can learn a lot from this scenario, and maybe even apply it to our relationship with God. God delights in spending time with us. For us to be quiet enough to hear His still, small voice. I bet he takes great pleasure in hearing about our day. Our accomplishments and anxieties. Our burdens, fears and hopes. In fact, God calls us to be like little children.

Matthew 18:4 “Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”

So, when you put your head on your pillow tonight, humble yourself like a child, and let God tuck you in for the night. Connect with Him. And let Him remind you how precious you are in His sight. Sleep tight.

You know what bugs me? Perfect moms. Perfect moms with perfect kids, in their perfect homes, and perfect husbands who dote on their perfect little family. They are always put together, dressed to the nines, with their hair perfectly colored and nails manicured. Their houses are spotless, and they somehow seem to flow through life effortlessly.

So there. I said it!

There are times when I am in a pity party mode, and everyone around me appears to have it, what ever ‘it’ is, all together.

Do you know this type?

Unfortunately, I’m surrounded by people who appear to me like they have it all!  Cute, sassy, full of energy, always on top of the latest style and fashion, without so much as a weed in their front yard.

And then there’s imperfect me.

Always running late to events, making a quick pass through cleaning the toothpaste off my kids’ faces before they run out the door in the morning, forgetting in the process to look at my own face. My floor cluttered with baby dolls and clothes, toys, art projects and the remainder of the card game from the day before. A dried out container of now dead flowers in front of my garage and my dog running out of the front door with a pair of underwear in his mouth (swear to God that happened).

Did I really just admit to all of that???

It probably isn’t really that bad, nor am I as scattered as I am making it sound. (I hope.) But, you get the idea. There is always someone else to compare yourself to- who has it better- or so it seems.

When I get in these pity party modes, I remind myself what matters most…the condition of my heart.

When you wipe away all the clutter (whatever that might be- as we all have our ‘clutter’)  it is what’s left that counts the most. All the external appearance crap we spend so much time maintaining is just that…crap, if we don’t take the time to manicure our heart, and the hearts of our family.

Proverbs 27:19 As water reflects a face, so a man’s heart reflects the man.

We have been talking a lot about going to school lately. Gracie asked Owen if it is okay to sit by him the first day she rides the bus. We have been rehearsing what it will be like having lunch at school. We’ve practiced saying Mrs. Grebinow’s name. I’m not even sure that is how you spell it, in fact, I’m pretty sure that is not the right spelling. (I better get on that.) We’ve talked about how important it is to listen to the teacher, to respect her and others who may be helping.  How when you have to use the bathroom, it is okay to politely ask the teacher. We’ve talked about needing to go to bed earlier to make sure they are rested for a full day of school. We’ve even had the talk about strangers, as well as safe and unsafe touches. (Qualify that with remembering I all sorts of crazy stuff at work).

I think I am doing okay with everything… getting Gracie off to kindergarten. Mainly because she is so ready and excited. Even still, I know there will be some tears shed on that first day. Tears of sadness for my little girl (and boy!) who are growing up so quickly. Tears of joy, as I know Gracie is off on a new, exciting chapter of school years.  I pray my children are safe, that they are treated kindly, and that they are nurtured. That they are corrected when needed in a firm, but loving way. I pray that God will guard their hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Maybe I am still in a state of denial, but I don’t think any of my tears will be out of pure worry. Or at least I pray they won’t be. Sure, I’ll have a jittery stomach, for all the reasons mentioned above. But God tells us not to be anxious about anything. (Phil. 4:6) Oswald Chambers once said this, “Worry is an indication that we think God cannot look after us.” That would go against the core of my beliefs! I think his quote is a little simplified (as we are only human), but for the most part true. Don’t you think? I hope that my faith is strong enough to leave the worry behind.

So Gracie, when you step onto that bus on Wednesday morning for the very first time, and you see your mom and dad staring back at you, know this. We love you, and are so very proud of you. The tears you might see will be happy tears. Have so much fun; you have been looking forward to this day for a long time! We know that God is going to be with you each and every second of the day. We’ll be waiting with big smiles for your return!

And Owen, you are an amazing big brother. We know that even though you sometimes are annoyed by your little sister, you have an amazing heart and will watch out for her. It was only 2 short years ago that we stood in our front yard waving at you as you drove off in that big yellow bus for the first time. Oh, how time flies. Have a great year, buddy. We love you, and are so proud of you!

When I saw the personality attributes, I couldn’t help but think of my own children, and how their teacher would describe them. Pretty adaptable, not too impulsive, average intelligence. How would that translate into their adult personality? Will they be successful? Driven? Secure in themselves? How much influence do I have in helping them develop their personalities? What personality traits do I place value on and encourage? How does ones personality help define their character? I want nothing more than for my children to grow up as well adjusted, successful, content, Christ-centered adults.

The personality traits of this world are so often in opposition to our Christian walk. For instance, the self-minimizing behavior referenced above… Isn’t that really defined as being humble?

1 Peter 3:8 “Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude.”  The article also made a negative reference to adults needing to seek advice. Isn’t this also contrary to what the Bible says? Proverbs 12:15 “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.”

I come from a medical background and find great value in research. I tend to agree with the article’s findings. Personality traits exhibited in our youth will continue to follow a child throughout their years. What I question is society’s measure of success. Are the personality traits I place value on in alignment with the world or the word? I’m not saying it can’t be both, but what I am saying is I’d much rather have my compass set to God’s standards.