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Beating Up God’s Kid

I am not the image of perfection. In fact, I have joked that my well rounded personality is equaled only to my well rounded shape.

I have made many jokes about myself. To people I just meet, to people I have known for years, male, and female: anyone I felt inferior to because of my size.  Which face it…

…was everyone.

Often, people would laugh. I am, after all, a pretty funny person. {Think of a Christian-based-Rosanne Barr-like comedy and you get the idea of my shtick.} Sometimes the laughs would be with me, and sometimes they were uncomfortable and polite.

My husband got an earful of my self-deprecating humor even in our most intimate moments. I thought I was funny. He did not.

I did not care. It was reflex. This behavior developed as each pound was added. Most of my weight I put there. Bite by bite, year by year, my emotional eating added to my problems rather than solving my problems. A few years ago I attacked this head on. I began to correct my unhealthy eating choices and began to work out obsessively. I lost 50 pounds. I felt amazing.

Then, I began to have health issues. I could not work out as frequently and then not at all. Slowly the weight I had lost began to reappear. Then, over this last summer something happened. I gained thirty pounds in three months. Almost overnight none of my already large sized clothes fit and I was struggling with what to do.

I loved my life. I loved my family …my church …my friends …and my ministry. I loved God more than ever…

…I hated myself.

So a few months ago, on our anniversary, my husband and I trekked out to sit on the beach with a cup of coffee and listen to the surf. We had planned nothing special, just some quiet time with one another. I wanted to spend the time talking and praying about the next year.

I did not expect the emotional and spiritual spanking God gave me.

As we began, I felt such conviction about how I had been beating up on God’s kid. I felt God’s sadness and displeasure instantly as I prayed…

…He was not happy with me.

I felt such a loss. I wept not because I was fat, but because in my displeasure with myself — I had offended my Father. I had let my struggles with weight eclipse God’s grace and call for my life.

I repented then and there.  I still weep when I think of how it felt to feel God’s heart on this matter. He kept reminding me of this one verse:

Psalms 139:14 “I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knows right well.”

That night everything shifted.  My focus is not on me, but on what my Father says about me.

So I do not make fun of my size anymore. This is more difficult than I thought. I have been practicing the art of self-deprecation for years. In order to replace it, I have literally begun to say what God says about me: an amalgamation of scriptures that remind me that God is the ultimate authority on all things me.

“I am the righteousness of God in Christ. I am bought with a price. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am the head and not the tail. I was formed with purpose. God does not look at the outward man, but at the heart.”

As this gets published I am headed to the doctor’s. I am seeking medical attention for some of the health issues that are affecting my weight, but my heart issues are already being addressed by my Father.

From now on, I will not beat up on God’s kid anymore!

Question: Do you struggle with your self-image?  Do you find yourself beating up “God’s kid” like me?  Share your answer by clicking here.

AboutDayna Bickham

Dayna is a author and speaker from the Houston, Texas. A wife and mom of two teen girls she loves to cook, garden, and spend time with her family.
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Comments

  1. This is a beautiful post, my friend! Thank you for allowing God to use your honesty to speak directly to my heart. Praying for you! ~Heidi

  2. Karen says:

    Your post is filled with grace and beauty. I will be praying for you on your journey – and thank you for being so transparent and honest – you have no idea how it will help others struggling with the same thing:)

  3. Thank you Heidi. Nothing like telling the world you’re fat…..LOL. Really, it was such an easy thing to write because it is true. When my Father started to correct me about this I could feel His heart. I hope it will resonate with people. Hugs.

  4. What a beautiful, honest post. I have been there myself. I read Made to Crave by Lysa Terkheurst last year and it really helped me see some of the things that you are talking about. God does not talk to us the way we talk to ourselves.

    Praying for you, and know that you are not alone. Sending hugs!

  5. Dana Pittman says:

    Dayna, beautiful post. I have experienced awkward jokes, uncomfortableness in my own skin. But I remind myself, I am loved and wonderfully made. Yet from time to time when the thoughts resurface and tug on my heart I have learned to lean closer on my Father. And I take it one day at a time. ;)

  6. I know exactly what you are talking about. I have beat up on myself about more than one thing. My moment of truth came when my pastor said to me, “Are you saying to me that this is the one thing Christ did not die for? Do you think you are the one person who was left out when Jesus forgave everyone else? Is his grace sufficient for everyone but you?”
    It takes a lot of courage to tell your story. Praying with you. Thank you for reminding me that I, too, am fearfully and wonderfully made.

    1. You have a wise pastor. I love it!

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